I'm a model, so ...

Everyone's pretty excited because the "ladies" are back.  And by "everyone" I mean the 6 of us who gather every week to watch The Bachelor.  So to start, there was obviously much debate about Ben's hair and whether or not we liked it.  Consensus was that we did not.  But we did not hate it as much as Christie hates sweetheart necklines ... direct quote on that one was "what's that neckline called?  I HATE it."  Note to self, never ask Christie to be a bridesmaid if the dresses have a sweetheart neckline.  I think we all got over his ridiculous hair with the non-stop shots of his winery.  If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's our love of wine.  So Ben wins us over with his occupation.  But his insistence on wearing a fluorescent pink tank and talking about seeing his father through hummingbirds brings him down more than a few notches.

As for the "ladies" we once again became focused on hair, wondering if we like the ombre look (we do) and whether or not yellow dress girl's hair should be longer (it should).  Then we moved on to the dresses.  Which, with very little exception, were horrible.  The green sateen and red plungey/strappy thingy were particularly awful - ABC obviously brought in some casting agents from Rock of Love this season.  We agreed that crazy blogger had one of the best outfits and the short sparkly one worn by someone else (an administrative assistant maybe?) was also good.  We figured that the (potentially) lesbian brunette wore such a demure dress to compensate for her "career" as a VIP cocktail waitress.  The model also looked good.  Her sense of superiority really complimented her black dress - the title of this post was her response when Ben asked her what she did for a living.

So that's about all we really had to say.  As you'll notice, we don't know any of their names yet.  That comes later as they go on dates, and swap traumatic stories about the journey they've been on to make it to this place when they feel they are finally ready to find love again.  If you don't understand that sentence, you obviously haven't been watching this show for long enough.

My final two predictions are horse lady and sparkly dress girl.

and so it ends ...

So Brad's journey has finally come to an end. I'd love to say that I'm really going to miss his stilted delivery and wooden personality, but really all I care about are his abs and his wonderfully coiffed almost-beard.

Due to a PVR glitch, we watched out of order, and in two different locations. Long story. So as the action was slightly disjointed, our conversation was as well. As a result I will only be able to talk about my thoughts on the main characters (I know they are supposed to be real people, but come on), as opposed to the actual happenings of the show:

Brad – As he did throughout the season, he tried his best to be honest and a good guy, and I will say that he came off fairly well. I do think that he should have thrown Chantal a bone though when talking about why he kept her around. Saying she deserved to be there was a bit harsh. Dude could have said that he enjoyed her company and felt something rather than totally dismiss their “journey.” But I guess his super insecure maybe-fiancee Emily would have had a few issues with that story line. And we all agreed that that homeboy can rock a Henley. I decree that he should wear one at all times.

Emily – Unsurprisingly, she looked much better after the final rose than she did at the proposal. Looks like she took Stacey’s advice and went for the low lights and a wipe! Her dress was still pretty bad. But not as bad as the one she wore for the proposal. That particular dress was only memorable because it had no feathers (yep, I'm talking to you Chantal). This is not saying much. While being interviewed by Chris, we all agreed that while her honesty was appealing, she needs to get over how she was portrayed on the show (i.e. tragic-single mom). Her insecurities were almost as unflattering as her outfit.

Chantal – I did feel bad for the girl. Not only for being rejected by Brad but for announcing on national television that she's in love again. I guarantee it won't last and ABC will lock her up for the season of the Bachelorette that premiers in May 2012. Two good things I will say though is that a) she had a dignified exit after the rejection and b) she wouldn't let Brad get away with pretending he didn't have feelings for her. What I can’t get behind was her outfit on the final day … too much going on with the feathers, the flowers, the prom girl hair, the stacked bracelets, the earrings. Bad styling period. She looked better at the ATFR, but really only in comparison to Emily’s bad weird French Maid outfit.

Chad – Dare I say he was hotter that Brad? He also seemed smarter, but that might have been because he didn’t talk nearly as slowly. But his brother Wes was definitely the brains of the operation …

Wes – We determined that Wes was the brainy one, if only because he was the least attractive of the Womack brothers. But he seemed way more fun than the other two. We figure he’s got to be a good time if only to make up for his shortcomings as the “ugly”brother. Everyone copes in their own way.

Dylan/Prima – They played their roles as mute wives perfectly. They said nothing except that they wanted Brad to pick Emily because they can't relate to single childless women. Imagine if he had brought over one of the ladies with a career? They would have fallen off of their chairs!

Momma Womack – I'm assuming Brad's mom had name, but as it wasn't something unique like Prima, I have no idea what it was. But she played her part well and that’s all I have to say about her.

Chris Harrison – In our dis-jointed viewing, did we miss the part where he gave Brad a pep-talk? Is I just me or did he do far less this season than in past … maybe because of the presence of Brad’s therapist, but seriously the only thing he did in the finale was escort the “ladies” to the proposal. And I’m guessing drink plenty of Ernie Els’s wine. Seriously – best job in TV.

Ashley H – She was announced as the new Bachelorette. I am not impressed. She was super annoying on Jimmy Kimmel. Bad outfit, bad clapping, bad laugh. Will be hard pressed to make myself watch. There better be some fine young man on her season (a la Chris). Otherwise I might just have to skip the next few months until The Bachelor Pad premieres.

it's all about the map

So just in time for tomorrow's Bachelor finale, I had planned to finally post last week's recap. But I spent the day skiing at Lake Louise and I'm very tired, so I can't really be bothered. Luckily, last week I had to take a plain language writing class. One of the exercises we had to do was a non-linear outline or a mind map for a project we were currently working on. And while I am finally busy at work, I'm not busy doing lots of writing. So instead I chose to do a mind map for my weekly bachelor post. Maybe not the most professional choice, but it was fun to do. Thank jaysus I did not need to read it aloud. But I did share it with my small group, and I'm pretty sure only one co-worker has lost all respect for me, and that's ok because he wears ugly shoes and we will never be friends. So here's a picture of it - it gives you a general outline of what I would have chosen to write about, were I not so effing tired ... goddamn you daylight savings time!

way to go Brad, you just proved me right

Anyone else notice how prescient* my last post was? In the same way he dismissed Shawntel, Brad got rid of Ashley because she has a career, is driven to succeed and isn’t willing to sacrifice everything to be with him. Shocker. HC and I had a disagreement about this as she insists that they probably just edited out the career talk with the other “ladies.” Well if they did talk about it, I really think ABC should include it. By not showing it they just perpetuate the stereotype that if a woman wants to find true love, she shouldn’t be saddled down by a career and instead should concentrate on making her man happy. But I guess they need the women to fit into certain characters. We have “career driven Ashley”, “tragic single mom Emily” and “will do anything for love Chantal.” While it's true that I’ve never been a fan of Ashley, it still really infuriates me that the girl with the career aspirations is the one who had to go. Although I probably would have sent her home for wearing ridiculous denim diapers, so maybe I’m no less shallow then Brad.

The only other thing I have to say about the episode is why did they bother giving Chantal and Brad a key to the bed-in-a-tree loft thingy? I understand it’s part of the whole “fantasy suite” schtick, but last time I checked it was in the open air, and as such there was no door in which to use the key. You can’t pull a fast one on me, Chris Harrison!

*Are you also impressed at my use of the word prescient? Because I am.

one step closer for the women, one step back for all of womankind

There are so many things wrong with The Bachelor, but the one that drives me the craziest is that it's assumed that whoever he picks will move to his hometown. For some reason I can totally accept him dating 25 women, making out with a dozen or so, sleeping with at least 3 of them, and then picking one at random. But the idea that a woman has to change her plans to follow him around drives me bananas. No compromise, no discussion of him moving, etc. The "ladies" are the ones who have to make the big decision about their career (on the rare occasion where they actually have one) and suck it up and move wherever the guy is living, because they're gonna be a wife, and that trumps all.

On Monday's episode, there was no discussion of Chantal's career (maybe because she doesn't need one judging from the size of her parents house), Brad was concerned about perhaps holding Ashley back (because she is actually on her way to becoming a professional), and Shawntel got booted mainly because her parents don't want her to leave the funeral home business (Brad may have said their chemistry was lacking, but come on). And then there is Emily. There was no mention of her career because she has a kid, which means she is already on her way to being the perfect wife. Awesome.

eat something ... please

So The Bachelor is on tonight and I just realized that I didn't post a recap from last week. That was due to a variety of issues, including but not limited to:

1) the fact that it was Valentine's Day and I was striking against all things involving romance;

2) HC forgetting to PVR the early episode meaning that we made our pizzas, packed them up and took them over to SS's place to cook, resulting in a lot of commotion and me forgetting to take note of everyone's witty comments; and

3) sheer laziness on my behalf.

So I don't have a full recap. Instead, below is an email train between myself and RB, which I believe captures the sentiment of the day after.

RB:

It's dinner time on the yacht! Britt is wearing an indefensible peach negligee thing.

Did you watch the bach last night?

Me:

I did. She had horrible platform flip flops too! Screw a lack of chemistry, she should have been sent home based solely on her horrible fashion choices and bad hair!

RB:

It was gross- and made me realize I need a b**b job STAT

Me:

Shut up.

You are nowhere near as skeletal as Britt, so that ridiculous outfit would not hang off you like it did her. Seriously, I was wishing for an interactive tv so that I could feed her the salted caramel chocolate I was eating in honour of VDay.

RB:

Yes, I watched her push her food around the plate and was willing her to EAT SOMETHING!

Me:

Any thoughts on final 2?

RB:

I like Shawntel ALOT

ME:

Yes me too.

RB:

Her and dentist I think?

Me:

Not a fan of the dentist … she seems very unhip. Bad mom hair and overplucked eyebrows. I also don’t really see their chemistry, but he seems to like her.

RB: I don’t mind her… she’s kind of the odd duck there- which is interesting

Who is your #2?

Me:

I think the other Chantal … despite her crazy.

RB:

mmm… shes way too over the top for me… too needy. Interestingly neither of us said “em”

btw I have watched a sum total of 3 episodes of this bach. He’s creepy.

Me:

I think he has Emily on a pedestal … won’t work.

He is very deliberate in his speaking patterns – no emotion ever. His voice doesn’t chance no matter what he says, it’s almost like someone (Chris Harrison perhaps) is feeding him lines.

That said, I think he’s the best looking Bachelor they’ve had on the show.

RB:

I loved Andrew Firestone

Rich said he should send the rest of the girls home after he saw him with Emily…said he acts like an idiot b/c he’s smitten

Me:

Sounds like you and Rich had a pretty romantic Valentine’s Day last night, watching the Bachelor …

RB:

After I inhaled peters drive in…yes…

Me:

Nothing says I love you like onion rings and a chocolate banana milkshake!

RB:

Wrong. Chocolate Strawberry.

Even hotter and sexier with 2 kids in back of car with milkshake dripping EVERYWHERE.

Me:

Ran into so and so last week. Is it mean of me to say that I don’t like her hair?

RB:

No, this would be mean

Ran into so and so last week. Is it mean of me to say that I don’t like her?

Me:

So to recap, you are mean and I am polite.

RB:

Correct.

it's always rainy in costa rica

My apologies for the delayed bachelor commentary. I blame the fact that it was not a great episode, except for the fact that ABC finally decided to divulge the ladies ages. That said, we didn’t really notice because we spent much of the episode trying to figure out if all of the girls have had boob jobs. We came to the conclusion that they all have except for Jackie and Britt and so they will be the next two to go. Jackie of course did leave. Britt will be gone soon enough. If they were kicked off judged on their outfits however, she would have been gone weeks ago. Seriously, she is the least fashionable lady on the show. And it's not like the other ladies are setting a high standard, so that's saying a lot.

My favourite part of the one-on-one date with Chantal was when she said that she and Brad know what it feels like to in a real relationship because whenever they’re together it rains. Not sure that I understand her logic on that one, but I’m sure it made sense in that pretty little head of hers. The best part of the group date involved someone who wasn’t actually on the date. Brad’s reaction to Alli’s screams from the hotel was awesome. The fact that she threw a full glass at Chantal was even better. Her bug freak out was hands down the best moment of the season so far. It was also probably the most honest one of the season. We also had a debate about what Michelle said about Brad when he took his shirt off. Go home and “fuck the shit out of him?” Or go home and “fuck yourself?” Either way, it was aggressive.

On the topic of Michelle, I agree that she is completely crazy, but at least she’s honest when she talks to the camera. We also think he really wants to sleep with her, and this is why he is keeping her around. Or perhaps he's just one of those guys who likes crazy girls ... AZ is looking for one of those guys, so if anyone knows one, let me know and I will pass along his information to her. Plus she had the worst hairstyle. Michelle is a hairdresser so she should know better. Those of you who know me know that I enjoy a bang braid as much as any other girl, but this braid took up half of her head

The rappelling date didn’t look that fun. In fact none of the dates looked that fun. Horseback riding through a field on what looked like mules and staring at random birds. And spalunking, really? I’m gonna call it and say going through that cave was the worst date of any season of The Bachelor, ever. As demeaning as I thought Shawntel’s shopping date was, this one was worse. Plus every date involved a helmet. While I agree dating can be dangerous, this is getting a bit ridiculous. I'm sure Costa Rica is a lovely place, but if I worked for Costa Rica Tourism I’d want my money back. The Bachelor is definitely not doing to Costa Rica what Oprah did for Australia.

I will say that when he dumped Alli he said as well as he could have said it. Mainly because I still believe he has someone feeding him lines ... that’s why he talks so slowly. Plus you can always tell when he goes off script. When he heard Alli’s screams, when Michelle showed up in his hotel room - he had a very good surprise face, you can tell he didn’t see it coming, unlike every other moment on the show that is filled with non-stop cliches: the “journey” they’re on, having their “walls” up, finding the “relationship” so hard, making a “connection,” blah, blah, blah.

So in general I guess you could say, that I was unimpressed with this episode. Not enough to keep me from watching the next one mind you. Because there is always a gem of a moment to keep you hooked. This week it was Chantal’s decision to wear another bad dress (not as bad as the mesh disaster from last week, but still bad) and to drop the early I love you. Bad dress + emotional train wreck = Bachelor awesomeness.

all by myself

I don’t have a lot to say about this week’s Bachelor, mainly because I watched it alone. Without the girls and their witty/snarky comments the episode didn’t really have me hooked. It might also have had something to do with the fact that I didn't drink any wine while watching. Won't make that mistake again. So here are my quick thoughts:

• Random brunette (Alli?) who commented "just because she comes in with the worst story, means she gets the most attention?" Um yep. That's why everyone tells their sob stories to get his attention.

• I know that the show was filmed months ago, but I feel like Nascar Barbie took our advice ... much less makeup and she looked so much better, non?

• Chantal threw out the word love. Oops. But then he called her baby. Ridiculous on both accounts. Also her dress at the rose ceremony was unbelievably ugly. I'm sorry HC but you need to take back your love for her.

• The Ashleys date was a bore. I had no interest in either of them staying or leaving. I did however enjoy the random shot of Brad's junk as they started their "performance."

• A green frosted cake to show Alli that he remembers the dress she wore is not an indication that he cares. It means that a cake was made that happened to have pink and green on it and a random production assistant who was paying attention on Brad's behalf slipped him the information.

• I know Michelle was trying to be sexy but I doubt it would have come off that way without the music provided by ABC.

• I don't think anyone was surprised by the girls he sent home as I didn't know their names until Chris told "Marissa" and "Lisa" it was time to say their goodbyes. I did really like Lisa's dress though.

• Brad has a very mechanical way of speaking ... like someone is feeding the lines into an earpiece a la Roxane. Someone told him to say hello, so he did. Someone told him to tell her she looked beautiful, so he did. It makes me think that he would be very methodical in bed ... like he has a list of all the erogenous zones in woman's body and would check each one off as he hit them, so to speak.

Finally I will say that I think that Shawntel’s shopping spree would almost be worth the humiliation of going on this ridiculous show. Almost.

low lights and a wipe

We were lucky this week to have a professional in our midst whilst watching The Bachelor. AH's sister was in town from TO and as she is a make up artist she was able to provide us with inside insight into the great mystery of Michelle's black eye. Her prognosis: FAKE.

Here is how Stacy H came to this (not so) shocking conclusion:

• Exhibit 1: A black eye is ugly. When you wake up with a zit, you cover it up. Same principle with a black eye. Cover that shit up.
• Exhibit 2: A black eye usually comes with some swelling and/or puffiness. When Michelle "woke up" she had colour, but no puff.
• Exhibit 3: A black eye is often accompanied by burst blood vessels in the eye and it eventually turns yellow and green. None of this occurred. In fact, by the time of her "special day" came around, the black eye was miraculously gone. Side note ... since when did they start referring to one-on-one dates as their "special day"? Barf.
• Exhibit 4: As a "hair dresser," Michelle has no doubt worked with makeup artists and knows the tricks of the trade. Stacy's conclusion is that Michelle used a purple matte lipstick to fashion her black eye. And so concludes this episode of CSI: Bachelor.

Now that we've solved that mystery, onto date #1. Chantal was HC's early favourite, but she's quickly falling off her list for a variety of reasons, including but not limited to, the following:

• She was overly concerned about mascara running down her face during their underwater "date." Really?
• When Brad congratulated her on doing a great job underwater, she replied "it's because I've got you." I think the appropriate response to that comment is gag me with a spoon.
• Once they moved into the tent to continue their awkward making out, she thanked god for making it rain. Honey, I'm fairly certain god has more important things than determining the appropriate weather for your date.

Despite the appearance of my favourite silver fox Dr. Drew, the group date was not all that exciting. The only interesting part of the "therapy session" was when Brad said that he wanted to find out if one, or all, were compatible with him. He wants to be compatible with all of them? Since when did The Bachelor turn into Big Love? I know it's ridiculous that he's dating 15 women at the same time, but there's already a reality dating show about polygamy. It's called Sister Wives. Good for him for not giving the dentist the rose though. She seemed drunk and because she has nothing interesting to say (although none of them really do), she just created drama, to no effect.

Speaking of drama, at this point in the evening we took a break (as often occurs, see last week's google session) to discuss whether or not to forward new contact info to an old flame after you have broken up. Remember this guy? Well now that AZ is moving back to YYC, he is sending her random real estate emails and really wants her new contact information. She sees no reason to provide him with it. Nor do I ... clean breaks are good. For example, I recently got a new Blackberry and there is a certain "gentleman" with whom I have a history that has never ended particularly well, and I chose not to send him my new number ... Impressive, non?

I don't have a lot to say about Michelle's date except that we all agreed that she seemed to be taking a page from Kate Hudson's playbook in How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. She had this whole fake narcissism thing going on. She freaked out just to get his sympathy and then was composed enough to non-chalantly give him a kiss halfway down where there happened to be a camera. She's a nutjob for sure. But would the show be interesting if she had been sent home in the first few weeks? Probably not. Especially because ABC has taken pains to edit out any of Brad's personality. Either that or he could possibly be the dullest man alive. Plus he talks so damn slowly.

At any rate, it was refreshing to watch the show this week with a neophyte. The rest of us had taken for granted that this is a show worth watching. Having a rookie is a reminder that in reality, the conversations are dull, the drama is contrived, and there are no winners. Well unless of course you count becoming a D-list celebrity and having HC and I follow you on twitter as "winning."

PS - The title of this post comes courtesy of our rookie makeup artist, referring to Emily, aka NASCAR Barbie. The consensus is that she is a pretty girl, but overly made up. She should definitely take Stacy's advice who so wisely stated that she could use "some low lights and a wipe."

PPS - I apologize for the excessive use of quotation marks in my Bachelor recaps ... it just seems so appropriate seeing as nothing is actually real.

PPS - I also apologize for all the links to previous posts. I guess it just goes to show that I've been talking about the same thing and the same people for a year now. Yowza.

daddy issues

I'm having a hard time figuring out how to put all of our comments from last night's Bachelor into a cohesive story line, mainly because our viewing party was interrupted by some fierce googling of HC's latest date as well as some intimate discussions about whether or not a woman's cervix is fixed in place. Please note that the two discussions were not necessarily related.

But even if these conversations were very off-topic they were still much more stimulating than the conversations that Brad had with the ladies. Plus, no one died in our stories. Seriously, why do all the women feel the need to tell Brad about their sob stories as soon as he says hello? It's a bit much, non? And I wonder what Brad's "therapist" would say about the fact that all the women who go on the Bachelor all seem have some sort of daddy issues - an absent father (dentist), a dead one (Chantal, Ashley) or a fatherless child (Emily)?

On to the big events of the evening ...

• We figure the only reason Seal is on the show is because he has like 7 kids at home and is sick and tired of Heidi Klum getting to leave all the time to host project runway or strut her stuff in Victoria's Secret fashion shows. Sadly this was the only option available to him.

• As to AH's big question of the night: "What exactly does Brad's tattoo mean?" Tim had a very concise response: "That he's a douche."

• As we were watching the action film "date" we had two main questions. 1) Did they all go shopping at the same tacky-lululemon-knock-off store? and 2) Do other people watching this think this is a cool idea? Obviously we cringe and question why we watch the show, but do others think, "Hey, this is awesome, I wish I could film a fake action movie that no one will ever see? But no one ever takes me on dates like this. My life sucks."

• HC was trying to recount a funny story about a night we had in Panorama over the holidays, but it was really one of those stories where you had to be there. As she put it, "that story crashed just like Ricky's plane." Harsh but true.

• We still don't know who half the "ladies" are ... name and occupation is insufficient. We need more contextual information. For example it should say Britt, 25, food writer, made out excessively with Brad on the bed during useless blood drive public service announcement. Lisa, 24, wore ruby red shoes on night one, hair is too long, but for some reason it works. Or Lindsay, 25, thank god I have red hair, otherwise no one would remember me.

• Also from now on Christie shall be known as Christie I. Even though we have no other friends named Christie, we will start using the letter I as an homage to our favourite show which always seems to have two Ashleys.

And just in case you were wondering, we never did find any juicy information about HC's date ... according to the interweb, dude is a ghost.

that was tender, but I still think she's boring

... that gem of a line comes from Christie, speaking about Brad's second one-on-one date with whatever her name was with the side bun and pretty necklace. Two other comments about that date: 1) His spit take reaction to her "I don't date much comment," was very out of place. His concerns about her being cautious were a bit much, non? Just because you're contractually obligated to be a man-whore Brad, doesn't mean this girl has to be a hussy. 2) Why do the "ladies" always thank Brad so much for the date? He does not come up with these dates. There is obviously a team of ridiculous people at ABC who sit around coming up with stupid idea after stupid idea. He is not spoiling you - ABC and Neil Lane are. And Train? Really? You can't even dance (fast or slow) to their music. This of course brought up a side conversation about musicians appearing on TV shows. Remember when bands used to play at the Peach Pit or the Bait Shop? They were kind of cool and on the up swing. The opposite is true when they make an appearance on the Bachelor. Definitely a sign of desperation or on their way out.

Sorry, back to the topic at hand. As for date number one with the dentist, none of us enjoyed her tutu (on a side note, anyone have thoughts about the revival of ballet and its influence on fashion?) as the drop waist and colour did not work, and a good 10 minutes was spent discussing what was wrong with her eyebrows - the consensus was that they were overplucked, too far apart, and so as a result might even be tattooed on. She had a good sob story about a distant, addictive father (although not sure it can compare to the dead NASCAR driver/orphan daughter story that Emily has), but we were distracted by her excessive hand talking and the background music that consisted of 3 notes over and over again. ABC must have blown its music budget on Seal's upcoming episode.

Once again, the girls try to get time with Brad and ask him stupid questions about his greatest fear. To which he answered, being alone. Really? That's your greatest fear? What about spiders? Or venomous snakes? Or flash floods? Why can't these people every have a normal conversation? Why does it always have to be about their "walls" or "layers?" Where are the discussions about politics, religion and sports?

At the cocktail party Brad stated that he was looking forward to a light-hearted, drama-free evening. Whoever wrote that script for him needs to be fired. He's been on the show before, we know he knows what's about to go down. The gig is up ABC. These girls are not best friends and Brad knows it! And so yes, Michelle has become the villain. Justly so, as she is definitely on the first train to crazytown. Melissa also deserved to go home. She was weird, lied about eating (4 pieces of pizza, really? it looked like she hadn't had a sandwich in weeks), and had a horrible Tori Spelling boob job. And yes, that is my second 90210 reference of the nights. But I will say that at 32 she was the oldest of the bunch. Brad is 38. Why couldn't they offer up some more age appropriate women? Does he really think he's going to find love with a 24 year old pharmaceutical rep? And do we really? No. Yet we continue to watch.

give the guy a break

I don't have much to say about the first episode of Brad Womack's return to the Bachelor, except that I did appreciate that change up from "most dramatic season ever" to "most controversial season ever," (although it's surprising ABC didn't call it "contractually obligated to pick someone this time around"). While watching, the girls and I concurred that the dresses were worse than ever, all the "ladies" seemed to use the same curling iron, and why were there no ages along with their "career descriptions." If you go by the number of times she said like, the girl who got the first impression rose is definitely a teenager.

The whole "I've been in therapy and I'm a new man" theme was all a bit too much. I appreciate that they are trying to show that he has changed, but why did he need to? Dude had every right to not pick either Jenny or DeAnna if he wasn't feeling it - it's called free will. It's not like all the other relationships on the show have worked out ... people break up. Just not in ABC's world I guess. And why is DeAnna so bitter? Last time I checked she's engaged to a guy she met thanks to being dumped by Brad. And it feels like she's been on every season of the Bachelor/Bachelorette over the last 3 years. Get over yourself.

And finally, I can't believe it took them this long to get Seal to agree to use "Kiss From A Rose." Heidi must be a fan ...

Jake's a dud

Having discussed my love of guilty pleasures music, I should probably mention my love of guilty pleasures TV as well. For the most part, the shows that fall into this category are reality-based. I am happy to say that I am not into the most ridiculous ones (i.e. anything with that guy from Poison or Tila Tequila), but I do enjoy an hour or two of so-bad-it's good tv.

On some occasions I enjoy the shows with friends - in particular, the Bachelor/Bachelorette. For the past little while I have been getting together with a few girlfriends to watch (and make snide comments) about what is inevitabely the most dramatic rose ceremony ever ... the problem with this season is that Jake (pictured above) is a total dud. Seriously, the guy has no sex appeal, is not the least bit charming, and is way too short. On last night's episode, he went on "hometown dates." The following is a rough summary of the running commentary from the show:

1. Why is Jake wearing a weird beaded Jamaican necklace after his date with Gia?


2. When parents ask him how he feels about family, why are they so assured when he says it's the most important thing in his life ... what is he going to say, "no I hate family and avoid spending time with my parents at all cost." Or similarily, what do they expect him to say when they make him promise never to hurt their daughter ... as if I he is really going to say, "actually sir, I plan on having sex with her in the fantasy suite and dumping her in the most public way possible so that she is humiliated and can never have a normal dating life." I mean really ...


3. The incredible embarrassment we all felt while watching Tenley dance ... Sarah had to look away. It was just mortifying - had I been by myself, I would have turned it off.


4. The ridiculousness of Vienna’s dad saying that when Jake comes home the house will be clean and the kids will be raised right


5. The line of the night goes to Renee who commented "why do I think we are in a trailer" when Jake was visiting Vienna's family


6. Vienna’s ridiculous purple dress at the rose ceremony


7. The unfortunate glimpse up Ali’s dress while she was crying and the fact that she looked very dishevelled for someone who was so obviously faking it ... did they really have to liven up the show by bringing up last season's plot point? Ali is no Ed, and it's all just a little too familiar. And unnecessary. And finally, I'm pretty sure she was crying because her feet hurt - not because she worked for Facebook and forgot to tell them that she needed a few months off.

Even though I am not a fan of Jake, I am a fan of the weekly viewings with my friends (the food and wine is always great). As such, we continue the Bachelor ritual ... someone's gotta do it.