math and exercise

So like an idiot, I went and signed up for this run again. Just like last year, I have 8 months to physically and mentally prepare myself for the race, but this time I will hopefully actually stick to the training plan and not suffer in agony for the longest 10 kms of my life.

To that end, today I hit up the gym at my new place of employment. It just opened this week and is a great perk of the new job. Having a gym on the 2nd floor is nice when it's -37 (for reals ... this weather sucks) outside and the last thing you want to do when you get home is leave again. Now, there are a few restrictions of the company gym: it's pretty small (only 8 cardio machines along with some free weights); it's only open 6am-6pm Monday-Friday; and there is a fee. Yep, we have to pay to play. The cost? Sixty bucks for the year. For those of you counting, that makes it $5 a month, $1.25 a week, or 0.25 cents a day. Best deal in town.

One of the funniest things about being a member is that in order to gain access you not only have to pay your fee, there is a mandatory information session. As previously mentioned here and here, my new employer is a big fan of safety. And so, we all had to spend an hour with a trainer from the YMCA who demonstrated the fine art of how to properly use a treadmill, because anything can happen when that mechanical belt starts moving.

one step closer for the women, one step back for all of womankind

There are so many things wrong with The Bachelor, but the one that drives me the craziest is that it's assumed that whoever he picks will move to his hometown. For some reason I can totally accept him dating 25 women, making out with a dozen or so, sleeping with at least 3 of them, and then picking one at random. But the idea that a woman has to change her plans to follow him around drives me bananas. No compromise, no discussion of him moving, etc. The "ladies" are the ones who have to make the big decision about their career (on the rare occasion where they actually have one) and suck it up and move wherever the guy is living, because they're gonna be a wife, and that trumps all.

On Monday's episode, there was no discussion of Chantal's career (maybe because she doesn't need one judging from the size of her parents house), Brad was concerned about perhaps holding Ashley back (because she is actually on her way to becoming a professional), and Shawntel got booted mainly because her parents don't want her to leave the funeral home business (Brad may have said their chemistry was lacking, but come on). And then there is Emily. There was no mention of her career because she has a kid, which means she is already on her way to being the perfect wife. Awesome.

eat something ... please

So The Bachelor is on tonight and I just realized that I didn't post a recap from last week. That was due to a variety of issues, including but not limited to:

1) the fact that it was Valentine's Day and I was striking against all things involving romance;

2) HC forgetting to PVR the early episode meaning that we made our pizzas, packed them up and took them over to SS's place to cook, resulting in a lot of commotion and me forgetting to take note of everyone's witty comments; and

3) sheer laziness on my behalf.

So I don't have a full recap. Instead, below is an email train between myself and RB, which I believe captures the sentiment of the day after.

RB:

It's dinner time on the yacht! Britt is wearing an indefensible peach negligee thing.

Did you watch the bach last night?

Me:

I did. She had horrible platform flip flops too! Screw a lack of chemistry, she should have been sent home based solely on her horrible fashion choices and bad hair!

RB:

It was gross- and made me realize I need a b**b job STAT

Me:

Shut up.

You are nowhere near as skeletal as Britt, so that ridiculous outfit would not hang off you like it did her. Seriously, I was wishing for an interactive tv so that I could feed her the salted caramel chocolate I was eating in honour of VDay.

RB:

Yes, I watched her push her food around the plate and was willing her to EAT SOMETHING!

Me:

Any thoughts on final 2?

RB:

I like Shawntel ALOT

ME:

Yes me too.

RB:

Her and dentist I think?

Me:

Not a fan of the dentist … she seems very unhip. Bad mom hair and overplucked eyebrows. I also don’t really see their chemistry, but he seems to like her.

RB: I don’t mind her… she’s kind of the odd duck there- which is interesting

Who is your #2?

Me:

I think the other Chantal … despite her crazy.

RB:

mmm… shes way too over the top for me… too needy. Interestingly neither of us said “em”

btw I have watched a sum total of 3 episodes of this bach. He’s creepy.

Me:

I think he has Emily on a pedestal … won’t work.

He is very deliberate in his speaking patterns – no emotion ever. His voice doesn’t chance no matter what he says, it’s almost like someone (Chris Harrison perhaps) is feeding him lines.

That said, I think he’s the best looking Bachelor they’ve had on the show.

RB:

I loved Andrew Firestone

Rich said he should send the rest of the girls home after he saw him with Emily…said he acts like an idiot b/c he’s smitten

Me:

Sounds like you and Rich had a pretty romantic Valentine’s Day last night, watching the Bachelor …

RB:

After I inhaled peters drive in…yes…

Me:

Nothing says I love you like onion rings and a chocolate banana milkshake!

RB:

Wrong. Chocolate Strawberry.

Even hotter and sexier with 2 kids in back of car with milkshake dripping EVERYWHERE.

Me:

Ran into so and so last week. Is it mean of me to say that I don’t like her hair?

RB:

No, this would be mean

Ran into so and so last week. Is it mean of me to say that I don’t like her?

Me:

So to recap, you are mean and I am polite.

RB:

Correct.

another modern romance

Just in time for Valentine's day, another tale of modern romance. I've talked numerous times about the intracacies of dating in the modern world - with the addition of BBM, old fashion texting, online dating, facebook and google, there are so many ways to interact and discover things about potential mates or exes, that it often makes your head spin. A few weeks ago we had a particularly funny interaction that I thought I would share.

HC's internet ghost had been rather absent ... after the spontaneous trip to Vegas, he was slow in regaining contact and answering only when spoken to. As HC is notoriously in need of a "plan" this lack of purposeful interaction was maddening. So we crafted a BBM to him that would let him know she had noticed his silence but wouldn't be accusatory. These were early days after all. So, what she sent was: "awfully quiet out there ...."

Unfortunately the day she sent it, the city was being hit by a massive blizzard. As such, it was very cold and snowy outside, and as he is a boy, he read it quite literally, and responded (immediately I might add), with "was running errands all morning and it's a ghost town outside."

Not helpful buddy, not helpful at all.

it's always rainy in costa rica

My apologies for the delayed bachelor commentary. I blame the fact that it was not a great episode, except for the fact that ABC finally decided to divulge the ladies ages. That said, we didn’t really notice because we spent much of the episode trying to figure out if all of the girls have had boob jobs. We came to the conclusion that they all have except for Jackie and Britt and so they will be the next two to go. Jackie of course did leave. Britt will be gone soon enough. If they were kicked off judged on their outfits however, she would have been gone weeks ago. Seriously, she is the least fashionable lady on the show. And it's not like the other ladies are setting a high standard, so that's saying a lot.

My favourite part of the one-on-one date with Chantal was when she said that she and Brad know what it feels like to in a real relationship because whenever they’re together it rains. Not sure that I understand her logic on that one, but I’m sure it made sense in that pretty little head of hers. The best part of the group date involved someone who wasn’t actually on the date. Brad’s reaction to Alli’s screams from the hotel was awesome. The fact that she threw a full glass at Chantal was even better. Her bug freak out was hands down the best moment of the season so far. It was also probably the most honest one of the season. We also had a debate about what Michelle said about Brad when he took his shirt off. Go home and “fuck the shit out of him?” Or go home and “fuck yourself?” Either way, it was aggressive.

On the topic of Michelle, I agree that she is completely crazy, but at least she’s honest when she talks to the camera. We also think he really wants to sleep with her, and this is why he is keeping her around. Or perhaps he's just one of those guys who likes crazy girls ... AZ is looking for one of those guys, so if anyone knows one, let me know and I will pass along his information to her. Plus she had the worst hairstyle. Michelle is a hairdresser so she should know better. Those of you who know me know that I enjoy a bang braid as much as any other girl, but this braid took up half of her head

The rappelling date didn’t look that fun. In fact none of the dates looked that fun. Horseback riding through a field on what looked like mules and staring at random birds. And spalunking, really? I’m gonna call it and say going through that cave was the worst date of any season of The Bachelor, ever. As demeaning as I thought Shawntel’s shopping date was, this one was worse. Plus every date involved a helmet. While I agree dating can be dangerous, this is getting a bit ridiculous. I'm sure Costa Rica is a lovely place, but if I worked for Costa Rica Tourism I’d want my money back. The Bachelor is definitely not doing to Costa Rica what Oprah did for Australia.

I will say that when he dumped Alli he said as well as he could have said it. Mainly because I still believe he has someone feeding him lines ... that’s why he talks so slowly. Plus you can always tell when he goes off script. When he heard Alli’s screams, when Michelle showed up in his hotel room - he had a very good surprise face, you can tell he didn’t see it coming, unlike every other moment on the show that is filled with non-stop cliches: the “journey” they’re on, having their “walls” up, finding the “relationship” so hard, making a “connection,” blah, blah, blah.

So in general I guess you could say, that I was unimpressed with this episode. Not enough to keep me from watching the next one mind you. Because there is always a gem of a moment to keep you hooked. This week it was Chantal’s decision to wear another bad dress (not as bad as the mesh disaster from last week, but still bad) and to drop the early I love you. Bad dress + emotional train wreck = Bachelor awesomeness.

all by myself

I don’t have a lot to say about this week’s Bachelor, mainly because I watched it alone. Without the girls and their witty/snarky comments the episode didn’t really have me hooked. It might also have had something to do with the fact that I didn't drink any wine while watching. Won't make that mistake again. So here are my quick thoughts:

• Random brunette (Alli?) who commented "just because she comes in with the worst story, means she gets the most attention?" Um yep. That's why everyone tells their sob stories to get his attention.

• I know that the show was filmed months ago, but I feel like Nascar Barbie took our advice ... much less makeup and she looked so much better, non?

• Chantal threw out the word love. Oops. But then he called her baby. Ridiculous on both accounts. Also her dress at the rose ceremony was unbelievably ugly. I'm sorry HC but you need to take back your love for her.

• The Ashleys date was a bore. I had no interest in either of them staying or leaving. I did however enjoy the random shot of Brad's junk as they started their "performance."

• A green frosted cake to show Alli that he remembers the dress she wore is not an indication that he cares. It means that a cake was made that happened to have pink and green on it and a random production assistant who was paying attention on Brad's behalf slipped him the information.

• I know Michelle was trying to be sexy but I doubt it would have come off that way without the music provided by ABC.

• I don't think anyone was surprised by the girls he sent home as I didn't know their names until Chris told "Marissa" and "Lisa" it was time to say their goodbyes. I did really like Lisa's dress though.

• Brad has a very mechanical way of speaking ... like someone is feeding the lines into an earpiece a la Roxane. Someone told him to say hello, so he did. Someone told him to tell her she looked beautiful, so he did. It makes me think that he would be very methodical in bed ... like he has a list of all the erogenous zones in woman's body and would check each one off as he hit them, so to speak.

Finally I will say that I think that Shawntel’s shopping spree would almost be worth the humiliation of going on this ridiculous show. Almost.

I'm your girl ...

So while my new job certainly has the potential to be interesting, as of right now I don’t have much to do. Nor do I see much potential for busy-ness in the near future. As a result I will have to think of other things to do during the day to pass the time. So I am fielding requests! Need a health issue researched? I’m your girl. Wondering what “industry standard” is for things like when to first sleep with a guy or who should say I love you first? I can look into that for you. Looking for a trip itinerary to San Francisco or Paris? I can be your travel agent. The opportunities for me to do your menial tasks are endless …

I’m also considering writing something longer than a 500 word blog post – a short story perhaps? The problem is that I have no idea of what to write about … so if anyone out there has a super creative idea but just doesn’t have the time to flush it out, please feel free to send it my way and I will expand on it as best I can. Should it get picked up for a screenplay, I will give you a full co-author credit. I’ll even split the profits ... not 50/50 obviously, but you'll get something. But if it wins an Academy Award, please be warned that I will not share the 45 second time allotment for the speech.