pottery fail (sort of)

In this photo, you will see two mugs. Both made by hand. Can you guess which one I made? I'll give you a hint ... it's the one on the left. Notice it's about half the size of the professionally made one. I think it will contain 3 sips of coffee. Not a spectacular effort, if I do say so myself. BUT, and this is an important but, I tried ... right? I would never call myself super creative or artistic, so the fact that I made something, that resembles a coffee mug, isn't porous, and has an actual handle, is somewhat impressive. As such, I call this only a quasi-failure. It's certainly no cake disaster, that's for sure. It probably helped that no alcoholic beverages were consumed while using the potter's wheel. I also made numerous bowls ... can't post any photos of those as they will be wrapped and put under the tree for all my favourite blog readers!

my famous friends

Remember Lily? Well, not only does she look good in hats, she also does good deeds. And now she's famous! Check it out:

http://change.outpostmagazine.com/2010/11/16/mans-best-friend-strikes-again/

the fish in the sea, so to speak

So here is a little story about why I am choosing not to do any online dating these days. HC just started again. She got matched up with a guy who thinks that the Simpsons and Metallica are the best things to happen to humans. True story. Now I like Metallica as as much as the next gal (remember this?), but when a potential suitor states that Homer Simpson is the person who influenced him the most, I wave the white flag. HC soldiers on. She's a better person than I.

PS - anyone see Glee last night? When Sue Sylvester joins "e-desperate" (which incidentally looks exactly like eharmony), the things she is most passionate about are "extreme taxidermy, tantric yelling, poking the elderly with hidden pins." So good.

some boots and some books

So I made it through the weekend with my mom. I have some new boots (pictured at right) and a new winter coat to show for it. And I think I only snapped at her once. And we had some good talks. And some good food. And some good wine. So all in all, a good visit.

I also lent her a book, which brings me to my latest reading list. I've been on a non-fiction/memoir kick of late. Here is what I have been reading:

• Portrait of an Addict as a Young Man by Bill Clegg. The author is a literary agent who has a seemingly great life, but is addicted to crack. The majority of the book chronicles his paranoia as he met with dealers, got high, had sex with random men, moved from hotel to hotel and thought he was going to be arrested. The paranoia part was interesting. The reviews talk about how it's a great account of "one man's descent into the hell of addiction." And while it certainly is hellish, I still don't know that I understand how someone can get there and live there and think that it's a better way to live than clean. I suppose they're so messed up they can't really make that distinction. So a hellish life, certainly. But how he got there, I still didn't get it after reading the book.
• Open by Andre Agassi. This is the book I lent my mom. She took it back to Ottawa to lend to my dad, because I think he'll really like it too. This was a good book. Fascinating really. I always wonder with memoirs how revisionist they are - did he really have second thoughts about proposing to Brooke Shields as he was proposing to her, or is it just easier to remember it that way 6 years later. At any rate, how he became the famous athlete we all know is a great story. It's one of those books that you look forward to getting back to reading after you put it down.
• I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max. HC read this book while she was in Palm Springs and kept BBMing me little tidbits. She told me that all women should read it so we know what assholes men are. The book is made up of anecdotal stories about Tucker Max and his friends out partying, drinking to excess, sleeping with random women and insulting said women and others. I think a lot of people would find it offensive and shocking. I can't say I really did. A lot of the stories were quite humorous, which I think was the intention of the book. And while Max speaks abhorrently of women, a lot of the women seem to act equally ridiculous, so whatever. I didn't finish it though, mainly because I got bored of all the poop stories. I don't really enjoy reading about disgusting bowel movements. I will say however, that I really do hope that they serve beer in hell, because I'm pretty sure there will be a reserved seat at that bar for me.
• The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin. I haven't been at my best lately and so thought I would take a shot at reading a quasi self-help book. I started reading it a few months ago and am only on page 91. There goes my attempt at self-improvement. The book jacket describes it as a woman's 12 month adventure "test-driving the wisdom of the ages, current scientific research, and lessons from popular culture about how to be happier." The problem is that she starts it in January and frames "becoming happy" like a New Year's resolution. As such is just become a check list of things to do. Reading it just made me feel bad about myself because my closets aren't organized and I'm not very efficient on weekends. Thanks tips, I don't need a book to tell me that. And now it's being turned into a TV show, starring Charlotte from Sex and the City. I'm pretty sure I won't waste PVR space on it.
• Too Big to Fail by Andrew Ross Sorkin. The subtitle is "the inside story of how Wall Street and Washington fought to save the financial system - and themselves." I think this is a book I'll be reading for awhile. It's 500+ pages on the financial crisis. Lots of concepts that I don't fully understand, but I'm trying. When you read about people taking helicopters to work and thinking that a $30 million a year pay cheque being fully explainable (really?) you can begin to understand why middle America is so upset. And why they hate the bailout. And why they hate Obama. And how it came to be that there was an legitimate campaign ad centred around one of the candidates, who for some reason had a shot at actually becoming a US Senator, declaring that she was not a witch. Okay that last bit might be a bit of a stretch, but it is all connected. And the the book is interesting. Not riveting though. But then again, I'm not sure any book on the financial system would be.

So that's me. And those are my mini reviews. Oh and tomorrow's high is -33 with the windchill. Awesome.

good news/bad news pt.3

good news = my mom is coming to town tomorrow

bad news = it's -18 here right now

good news = I love my mother

bad news = I live in 700 square foot condo

good news = my mom has lots of opinions

bad news = oftentimes her opinions and mine differ greatly

good news = we will have lots of quality time together in said condo hiding from said freezing temperatures

bad news = one of us might not make it through the weekend

on your special day, please remember these simple rules

I’ve been to a lot of weddings in my day, as both guest and member of the bridal party. I’m 34 years old and I really feel like I’ve seen it all. One year I was invited to 7. That’s my highest tally so far (I think I went to 5 of them). This year it has been only two. So I think I can make an educated list on things that work and don’t work - a quick hit of things that can potentially make or break a wedding. I recognize that we all can't be super creative, but there is a fine line between tradition and cliches. I suggest you avoid the cliches. It's not that hard. I just urge you to consider the following observations. Take ‘em or leave ‘em, but remember, I am very wise.

• Unless you get married on a beach, there should be no sand. I don’t know who invented the sand ceremony, but it seems to me, the symbolism is completely made up.
• A live singer for the ceremony is not a bad idea, but please make sure he or she is on key.
• When choosing music for the ceremony, might I recommend that it be a new take on an old classic or a cool song that is reinterpreted for wedding purposes. Kelly Clarkson’s “A Moment Like This” is not appropriate processional material.
• Unless it’s dark outside, may I suggest no candles. The unity candle is up there with the sand ceremony as something that makes no sense. Why do you need a candle or sand to represent the pledge of unity between the bride and groom. Isn't just saying your vows enough to indicate that you are united? Lighting a candle in a church to represent those loved ones who have passed away is the exception to this rule. But only in a church.
• Flowers need to be real. (You would think this would go without saying, but surprisingly I’ve seen it).
• Corinthians? Really? You couldn’t find anything else about love and what it means?
• A ceremony that lasts less than 15 minutes is encouraged. While your guests may be happy to watch you declare your love in front of god, man and the state, we’re really here for the party.
• If you insist on getting married outside, and it's not June, July or August,might I suggest that you allow your bridesmaids to wear fur. Faux or not, it’s up to you. But really, setting them up for pneumonia will not encourage a life long friendship.
• There is a a time and a place for 22 stories about the happy couple’s many adventures. It’s called a rehearsal dinner.
• Five speeches tops - bride’s family, groom’s family, best man, maid of honour, couple. Exceptions can be made if the speeches are short and extremely clever. Only in this case can more people step up to the microphone.
• Space the speeches appropriately. When dinner starts at 6, the last speech being completed by 10:40 is unacceptable. There are no exceptions to this rule.
• Remember to provide good/plentiful food for your bridal party all day - from the morning hair appointment through to the 800 photos. There is nothing worse than a ravenous, drunken bridesmaid in a bad dress who resents the bride. Recipe for disaster. And a ridiculously high bar bill.
• I understand that head tables are tradition and that you want your wedding party to feel important, but sitting on a pedestal so that everyone can watch you eat, stuck talking to the same people you’ve been hanging out with all day, is really not fun. A table dedicated to the wedding party is totally fine, just let it be amongst the guests, not isolated from the party.
• Do not stick more than two single girls at the wedding at the same table, surrounded by couples. Get ready for some resentful single friends, getting ridiculously drunk. Luckily they will be wearing dresses they actually picked out so will not be as resentful as the aforementioned underfed and pneumatic bridesmaids.
• Open bar. We’re in our 30s. We should not be paying for our drinks. Invite fewer people if necessary. Your great uncle does not need to come. I do however need a free gin and tonic.
• Slideshows are totally acceptable. That said, they can’t go on for longer than 10 minutes. Especially if you’ve been together for less than a year. Repeated pictures are not allowed. Embarrassing photos are encouraged. Also, please include pictures of your friends. Four minutes of the bride and groom is too much - we’ve been staring at you all day, seeing how we fit into your life makes us feel like we’re actually engaged in the process.
• A good live band is always welcome.
• Invite friends who can do the worm or will at least attempt the manoevre. A breakdance circle is also strongly encouraged.
• Final rule. Return of the Mack needs to be on the playlist.

I recognize that this list might come back to haunt me should I ever get married. But I stick to it for now, and I reserve the right to edit as needed. Besides, someday it could make for great speech material!

keep Alberta rat free

When I was on Gabe over the September long weekend, we had a long, involved discussion about the fact that Alberta is a rat-free province. KM didn't believe us. Luckily we had the ipad handy to confirm this and to explain how it works. Thank goodness for technology - it definitely helped us have a more informed discussion. I bring this up because I have a friend who had been involved in a relationship with a guy we like to call MB - a term of endearment that he would probably not appreciate. He has since moved to the UK which is for the best. It has come to our attention that he has a rat in his house. Henceforth he will be known as RG - rat guy. The best part of course is that because Alberta is rat free, when he tries to come back from London he will be stopped at the border. Thank goodness for the Alberta Rat Patrol.

in flanders fields

When I woke up this morning, I tried to remember the whole poem, but couldn't. Thanks to the interweb I can now recite it again.

In Flanders fields the poppies blow
Between the crosses, row on row,
That mark our place; and in the sky
The larks, still bravely singing, fly
Scarce heard amid the guns below.

We are the Dead. Short days ago
We lived, felt dawn, saw sunset glow,
Loved, and were loved, and now we lie
In Flanders Fields.

Take up our quarrel with the foe:
To you from failing hands we throw
The torch; be yours to hold it high.
If ye break faith with us who die
We shall not sleep, though poppies grow
In Flanders Fields.

still on team jacob

So as mentioned, I went to Toronto and Hawaii. I'm still too tired to go into my various adventures on said trips. But once again, I insisted on torturing myself by watching a bad movie on the plane - I watched the latest Twilight movie, I'm not even sure what the actual subtitle is. But it included lines like this one, from Edward to Bella when she asked him to take her virginity:

“I just want to be married to you first ....it’s just one rule that I want to leave unbroken. It might be too late for my soul, but I will protect yours.”

Are you serious? Teenagers are doomed if they believe this bullshit. Good thing there was a barf bag in my seat pocket.

aloha

My apologies loyal reader(s), I have been out of the loop. First because I was in TO at a wedding (more on that to come) and now because I am in Hawaii. Through a variety of circumstances, the main one being the direct result of this event, I am sitting pretty in Waikiki. The weather has not been fabulous, but the beaches are awesome, the company is great and the maitais are tasty. So that's what counts, non?