call me maybe

It's a good song in theory.  Catchy and simple.  Its evilness lies of course in the fact that it is grammatically incorrect, was played non-stop all summer and that it encourages you to do stupid things like actually give someone your number in the hope that they will call you maybe.

I bring this up now because a few weeks ago I went out with RB, MZ and KF.  I would like to say that it all started off innocently, but RB and I hadn't had a night out together in awhile and I had spent 2 weeks in Prince George (don't ask) so we were both looking to go out on a rippy tear (my mother's words).  But it quickly went off the deep end when I had 2 strong margaritas from Ox and Angela before food arrived.

We ran into some friends of mine, one of whom is a man about town and so I blame him for everything that happened that night.  And by everything, I really mean only one thing.  That one thing being that we ended up at a bar, where a DJ I sort of know and kind of have a crush on, was playing and for some reason (those reasons of course being tequila, RB and man about town referenced above) I decided to write my name, my number and the words "I'm all shook up" on a napkin and give it to said DJ.  I promptly ran out of the bar as quickly as possible.

Needless to say I have not heard from him and I will never return to that bar.

winter is coming ...

Actually, as I live in Calgary, winter has been here for awhile.  Seriously, the snow has been on the ground for a solid month.   Seeing as we never had an actual fall season, I won't dwell on that but let's discuss what I miss most about summer.  It will also give you an idea of what I've been doing since my last post, which I recognize was basically 4 months ago.  It's a short list - one thing for every month that I've been gone.  Here you go:

1. Topsiders:  I know this is a random one, but I love that they made a comeback this year.  I love preppy boys, so the summer uniform of long shorts, cardigans and topsiders made me very happy.  I do love a good peacoat and scarf combo too, so now that it's winter I can't complain too much, but I will miss the boat shoes that were all over town this summer.

2. Orcas: I went to a wedding this summer on beautiful Galiano island.  On Friday afternoon we went for a sail and came across a few pods of orcas.  While it was not quite this close, if you want to see how many there were and how awesome they are, check out this video from Outside Mag - it was in the same area and the same time. Oh and the wedding was fun too.  CG married her man Bill on a beautiful day overlooking the ocean.  We drank, we danced, we made wished on Thai lanterns and there was a risque photo shoot that is still being talked about.

3. Patios: It really goes without saying, but I had quite a few great afternoons on the various patios around town this summer.  A special shoutout to National, the Ship and Local 510.  Great places to drink beer and watch the world go by.

4. Bronze medals: I spent a lot of time watching the London Olympics.  Not a surprise really if you look back at some of my posts from February 2010 (here, here and here).  Canadians didn't do quite as well as expected and there were a lot of jokes about how many bronzes we won.  The bronze we lost in the men's 4X100 was particularly heartbreaking.  Listening to my father explain the rules of tae-kwon-do was particularly hilarious.  Watching the Brits cheer on that Mo guy to the 5,000 and 10,000 was awesome.  But most of all, watching the Canadian women lose so unfairly to the Americans in the soccer semi-finals and then squeak out a victory in the bronze medal game was amazing.  I played soccer all summer on an absolutely horrible team - we barely ever scored, but when we did, this is the face I was making.

a list for the 100th Stampede

Sheriff Buddha

Ok, so Stampede is almost officially over.  I say almost, because it's currently 5:32 am MST on Sunday July 15th and technically Stampede doesn't end until after the fireworks tonight at 11 PM MST.  Why am I awake at 5:32 on this summer sunday morning you ask?  It's not because I'm an early riser - it's because I have not yet slept after a night out.  That's right, the sun is coming up, it's not Vegas and I'm still awake.  I made the mistake of having 2 "shafts" which is some kind of concoction at the Living Room that involves espresso.  Did I mention that it was my birthday last night?  I'm now 36 - the crisis that this event is bringing about will have to be explored in another post.  Instead, I will just make a list of all the things that happened during this, the 100th anniversary of the Calgary Stampede:

• We crashed one party.
• I ripped 2 pairs of jeans.
• I went out 7 of 11 nights.
• AZ found out that "Scott" is not actually divorced (he is separated, but she lives here, not in another country as he previously stated).  Oh and he has a child that he passed off as his nephew.  It's a long involved story, but needless to say that relationship is over.  And now the Chanel bag has new meaning - trust your gut.  When you think someone might have a wife, they just might.
• We got kicked out of our infield rodeo seats - we were squatters, but still, it was embarassing.
• I didn't eat any beef on a bun (this is a rare feat, let me tell you).
• I spotted 2 CBC personalities (Strombo and Brett Wilson).
• I relived my high school days watching the Tragically Hip at a massive outdoor concert.
• Apparently this scene from last year happened again - I wasn't there so didn't witness it, but SS won stampede again this year as there may have been another YHG hookup. 
• While "Cory" didn't puke on the street, he did turn on his sprinkler when he got home from the bar and had a quick 45 minute nap on the front porch while he drowned his lawn.
• We went to Nashville North and partied with people who could legitimately have been our children.
• I didn't wear plaid once (another rare feat).
• On one of the nights that I didn't go out my soccer team actually scored a goal.  We still lost the game.  Badly.
• We have been forever spoiled by the fact that courtesy cars exist for Stampede sponsors and that they are often driven by age appropriate successful men who ask you if the air conditioning is comfortable.  I may never take public transit again.
• I had really good cab karma.
• HC and her boyfriend J broke up.  This had nothing to do with Stampede and more to do with the fact that she's moving to Toronto. Like next week.  My go-to plus one and emergency contact is leaving.  It's kind of a big deal.  But far too emotionally impactful to get into at 5:30 am on a serious lack of sleep.
• Wearing a sheriff's badge is a great conversation starter.  Too bad it's only really acceptable to do during Stampede.  So 'til next year my official badge will just stay with Buddha here on my bookshelf, as pictured above.

So that's it - I think that's all the happened.  At least that's all that I remember.  Another year done.  My liver worked hard and I survived.  Thanks Stampede.

on Paris and the surburbs

In my last post I mentioned AZ's new Chanel purse.  She bought it a few weeks ago at the original Chanel boutique - 31 Rue Cambon in Paris.  Beyond the beauty of the purse (which can be found here)  the story of how she ended up in Paris in the first place is a good one.  About 2 months ago, we had gone to Double Zero (sausauge and lentil pizza + 5$ happy hour wine = friday after work happiness) and then on to Craft  (Stiegl radler ... yum).  Whilst at Craft, we were approached by a guy, who, in a totally non-stalker way, indicated that he sees AZ everyday getting coffee and commented on how much he likes her shoes.  It was such an unthreatening pick up line that we assumed he was gay.  Turns out, not so much.  AZ had given him her number thinking he would be a new friend, who was a boy, while what he wanted was to be was her new boyfriend.  So they go out a few times, they hit it off, and as is the normal custom for a 4th date, they went to Paris.  Yep - Paris.  Oh and to Champagne for a few nights too.  Because, really.  Why not?

Anyhow, besides giving off an ever so slight non-hetero vibe, this new guy (let's call him "Scott") seems to be a great match for AZ.  They start spending a lot of time together - laughing, drinking, cooking dinner, talking fashion, and of course, all the other stuff.  But AZ sees a potential flaw.  He spends all of his time at her place and is evasive when she questions him on his.  And he's away on the weekends a lot.  The obvious conclusion of course is that he has a wife.  If you are confused, dear reader, I am too.  Because I don't see the jump that AZ made there, but to her it was logical at the time.  Did I mention that at the time we were on bottle number 5 of wine at a lovely bbq hosted by the always gracious SS?  "Scott" decided to spend an extra night out of town with his father and brother (on father's day I might add) and AZ decided this was shady.  She indicated in a text that they needed to have "the talk."

So how did this drama end you ask?  Well, turns out he doesn't have a wife (or a current wife at least - he is divorced.  And she lives in a different country).  The simple answer is that he lives in the suburbs. I don't know that I've mentioned my dating zone rule - it really is worth it's own post - but I have one and he falls well outside.  AZ lives 10 minutes from downtown, while his place is a solid 25.  Maybe even 30.  And so, mystery solved.

Are there any lessons to be taken from this?  I would think two.  1) Always say yes to Paris.  And 2) It's more convenient to have sleepovers in the inner city.

don't let the mushrooms fool you

Mushroom farmers do it better 

I really didn't want to like the Bachelorette this season.  I found Emily quite dull when she was "with" Brad, and during her first episode I was very distracted by her teeth.  I think we can all agree that her enamels are way too big for her mouth.  But I persevered (because really, what I else do I have to do these days) and so here are a few observations from this Monday's episode.  The observations were sent to JM over BBM and I've included her responses, where relevant:

1. She looks way better in short dresses than long.  Her formal wear is more often tacky than not.
2. Why does Ryan wear scarves all the time (JM response "because he's a douche).
3. Still love Arie.  So cute when he was all embarassed at the Shakespeare thing.
4. Sean is really cute.
5. Daddy Doug's arms are too big.
6. It's too bad that they don't show more of Alejandro - because I think he's cute.  And I get the impression that he's smart.*
7. Glad Kalon's gone. (JM response "he was a sad excuse for a man")
8. Enjoyed her trash talk - going West Virginia red neck on him. 
9. It's a bit concerning that Ricki thinks dragons live at Buckingham Palace. (JM response "she seems kind of 'special' to me).  
10. JM observation back to me "I like that Jef manned up this week, but I question  if he has the confidence to be with a woman who looks like her."
11. My observation back to her "Also, should we be concerned that he knows what Chloe bag is? (JM response "Excellent Point").  Then we had a side conversation about the value of designer bags because I told her that AZ bought a beautiful Chanel purse on her recent trip to Paris.  That whole trip is worth it's own post, so stay tuned).
12. The preview of Arie kissing her up against a wall it hot.  (JM response "Makes me realize it's been a million years since I got any action.") This of course generated another side conversation about all the duds we've met recently and a debate about whether the fact that Stampede is less than a month away is a good thing or a bad thing when it comes to remedying this situation.  The verdict was that it probably wouldn't result in an uptick on the quality of men on the scene.
13. Just saw an ad for Magic Mike.  We are going to see this movie, correct?  (JM response "affirmative").

* Turns out I was right - he is smart.  Dude has a TED Talk! According to Grantland he's not your average mushroom farmer.  He was named one of the Top 25 Entrepreneurs Under 25, graduated summa cum laude from Berkeley, is a cancer survivor and the mushroom farm is a sustainable, community-focused one that grows mushrooms out of coffee grounds.  I can't believe Emily kept a guy who gave himself the nickname Wolf, but sent Alejandro packing.  And back to observation #12 - shall we take bets on the possibility of meeting a guy like Alejandro during Stampede?  

my problem with twitter

I enjoy twitter.  I really really do.  I enjoy the time I waste reading all the articles that are teased by snappy 140 character-long introductions.  I love that it gives me something to do while I wait in a restaurant for my friends who are always late.  In the evenings, it gives me yet another thing to do besides clean my house. I laugh at all the funny hashtags that bring people together (remember #tellviceverything? - awesome) and subsequently mock people who don't understand what a hashtag is.  But what I've come to realize is that twitter is also a way for all the cool kids to tell you what they are doing and make you feel left out for not doing it too.  It's worse than just not knowing what's going on - with twitter, if you follow a certain type of person and watch what they are doing, you can be part of the zeitgeist (i.e. cool because you know what's happening) but be left out of it at the same time (i.e. loser because you're not there).  If I'm sitting at home I can basically see what all the hip and connected people in Calgary are doing and then feel bad for missing out on it.  It's FOMO (fear of missing out) at it's worst because it's self-inflicted.  I guess I could just get off my ass and become more involved but sitting at home complaining about it is more my style.

PS - When I went to find a link to define FOMO, I found this NY Times article: How Social Media Can Induce Feelings of "Missing Out"  It does a much better job of articulating every thought I posted above, so I apologize for making you read my rant, when I could have posted the article and been done with it.

PPS - For a long time I thought that FOMO was something my friends and I coined, as we've been using it for many years.  Turns out, not so much.  I actually can't believe that I haven't posted about it before.  It's long been a symptom in my life and plays a big role in helping me decide to do the things I do, generally to very happy results.  For the most part I've always thought of it as a positive, but when it comes to twitter, I've decided it is causing me much angst.

counting the things I've done pt. 2

Once again I have totally blanked on my blogging duties.  I do have a few reasonable excuses – I spent much of February traveling.  And then quite a bit of March sitting on my ass doing nothing.  But what else is new?  So here it goes – another list counting of things I’ve been doing whilst not updating my blog:

1. A trip to NYC - really, you ask? That seems like kind of a big deal, why haven’t you mentioned it until now?  See excuse number two above.  Went with the guy mentioned in my 1997-1998 journal – the boy in question who I planned to break up with even though we weren’t actually dating.  We’re still not dating, so why would we go to NY together you wonder?  Not sure really, except that for some reason we are still friends and seem to see each other every 4 years, in kind of awesome locales – Chicago, Banff, Paris, St. Moritz and NYC.  Was a super fun trip – not much to report really.  Hit up some good restaurants, wandered the streets of Soho, walked across the Brooklyn Bridge (pictured here in blurry instagram glory), went to the Met, watched the skaters of Central Park, etc. It's still not clear to me how we've managed to stay friends these past 15 years, whilst living in 10 different cities on 2 different continents, but we have, and it's pretty cool.
2. A few days of skiing – not enough really, but still good.  Two of the days were with the bride who prompted the ultimate wedding dos & don’ts list (and yes, I'm going to hell for continuing to bash it almost 2 years later).  At any rate, there have been a few snowstorms in the past month and so I’ve had a couple of powder days which were fab.  Hope to get a few more days in before the end of the season.
3. Work trips – to really exciting places like Wallaceburg, ON, Fort Nelson, BC and Wetaskiwin, AB.  On the first one I had some angry farmers question my integrity.  On the second one I went for drinks at a Boston Pizza where we were the only women in the bar.  On the third one, one of the SWAG items was a little case holding mints and toothpicks.  Those really are the highlights.
4. A drag show – self-explanatory.
5. Watching Friday Night Lights – I’m a late convert to the show, which means I’m watching all 5 seasons on itunes and on my PVR.  AH has been talking about it for years, but I never managed to watch it live, which is probably a good thing.  Watching all episodes back to back to back is awesome.  I’m slightly obsessed really.  I almost feel like I live in Dillon, TX.  And it makes me sad that I could never date Tim Riggins.  It also makes me sad that Taylor Kitsch’s  John Carter movie was so horrible.  He still looks good though.  And because he looks so good, I will forgive him for choosing another stupid movie to star in (Battleship) and go see it, if only because both Landry and Eric happen to be in it.
6. Wine – a few weeks ago we had an impromptu gathering for post-work bevies that went completely off the rails.  I met a Dutch guy who had just moved to 4 weeks previous and I’m pretty sure I impressed him with my ability to answer his skill testing question – how many Hollands fit into Alberta.  My answer was 20.  Everyone else guessed 4-6.  The real answer is 16.  So I won.  If I hadn’t had 5+ glasses of wine by that point, I’m pretty sure that I would have answered exactly 16.  SS met a guy who seems like a good guy, but he was uber-drunk and so when exchanging numbers, he gave her the wrong one.  Luckily they have a few friends in common.  One of the being Rat Guy (see – this blog always comes full circle)and so Drunk Jeff (also known as New Jeff and Good Jeff) emailed him to get SS’s contact info.  Rat Guy then had to swallow his pride and send her an email inquiring if it was ok for him to pass along her number.  They’ve had one date – the jury is still out, but it could be promising.
7. Research – AZ is going to NYC this week for work but whilst there is going to a “housewarming/birthday/magazine cover celebration” party.  It is being hosted by the mother a famous gentleman, who happens to be both single and a billionaire.  Sadly said gentleman won’t be there, but I still looked into his history and it’s a shame that he’s unavailable because AZ is already blonde and so could potentially have become the next Mrs. Musk.  Plus he’s building a spaceship to Mars (because that's a totally normal thing to do) and if she did some interplanetary travel, that would make a really great blog entry.  One that wouldn't take me two months to update.

a list for a sunday

I have been known to post a variety of lists - lists of things I've done, things not to do, things to be thankful for, books to read, music to listen to, and top moments from various events.  This time I'm gonna post somebody else's list.  It comes from the Lists of Note blog. It's taken from a letter that F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote to his 11 year old daughter in 1933.  Here's an excerpts - I gotta say, I think it's a pretty good list of things to consider when going through life.


Things to worry about:
Worry about courage
Worry about cleanliness
Worry about efficiency
Worry about horsemanship

Things not to worry about: 
Don’t worry about popular opinion
Don’t worry about dolls
Don’t worry about the past
Don’t worry about the future
Don’t worry about growing up
Don’t worry about anybody getting ahead of you
Don’t worry about triumph
Don’t worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault
Don’t worry about mosquitoes
Don’t worry about flies
Don’t worry about insects in general
Don’t worry about parents
Don’t worry about boys
Don’t worry about disappointments
Don’t worry about pleasures
Don’t worry about satisfactions


I'm not sure why it struck me at this particular moment in time ... but it's a beautiful sunny Sunday morning in February, I'm packing to go away for a week of work and friend time, and I'm feeling somewhat reflective.  I don't know that I'll ever worry about horsemanship or not worry about boys, but I feel like this is a good list to remind me what's important in life.  

I'm a model, so ...

Everyone's pretty excited because the "ladies" are back.  And by "everyone" I mean the 6 of us who gather every week to watch The Bachelor.  So to start, there was obviously much debate about Ben's hair and whether or not we liked it.  Consensus was that we did not.  But we did not hate it as much as Christie hates sweetheart necklines ... direct quote on that one was "what's that neckline called?  I HATE it."  Note to self, never ask Christie to be a bridesmaid if the dresses have a sweetheart neckline.  I think we all got over his ridiculous hair with the non-stop shots of his winery.  If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's our love of wine.  So Ben wins us over with his occupation.  But his insistence on wearing a fluorescent pink tank and talking about seeing his father through hummingbirds brings him down more than a few notches.

As for the "ladies" we once again became focused on hair, wondering if we like the ombre look (we do) and whether or not yellow dress girl's hair should be longer (it should).  Then we moved on to the dresses.  Which, with very little exception, were horrible.  The green sateen and red plungey/strappy thingy were particularly awful - ABC obviously brought in some casting agents from Rock of Love this season.  We agreed that crazy blogger had one of the best outfits and the short sparkly one worn by someone else (an administrative assistant maybe?) was also good.  We figured that the (potentially) lesbian brunette wore such a demure dress to compensate for her "career" as a VIP cocktail waitress.  The model also looked good.  Her sense of superiority really complimented her black dress - the title of this post was her response when Ben asked her what she did for a living.

So that's about all we really had to say.  As you'll notice, we don't know any of their names yet.  That comes later as they go on dates, and swap traumatic stories about the journey they've been on to make it to this place when they feel they are finally ready to find love again.  If you don't understand that sentence, you obviously haven't been watching this show for long enough.

My final two predictions are horse lady and sparkly dress girl.