on weddings and swedish berries

It's been awhile since I went on my wedding rule rant (found here). And since then I've been to 3 weddings. For those keeping count, that makes 4 in 8 months. And I just RSVP "no" to one in August. Seriously. This is my life.

I don't really have too much to add to the rules that were previously discussed as all 3 weddings actually followed them very closely. They all had great food, open bar, and very satisfying guest gifts (tea strainer spoon, candy loot bags and cake balls). The speeches were short and sweet at all of them (although at wedding #2 there was errant speech by the mother-of-the-bride read by the aunt-of-the-bride that was not quite as touching as she probably had hoped for), flowers and decor were lovely and not-at-all over the top, and the only ceremony to symbolize their love for each other was the actual ceremony (yes, I'm talking to you mr. made up candle and/or sand ritual).

The groom in wedding #3 was Indian, which made for some fantastic music. I've decided that no matter what ethnicity the man I marry is, we will have definitely be having some of this music playing in the background during dinner and then for a few dances as well. I'm sure it will seem perfectly normal.

Unsurprisingly I didn't really meet any new men at the various weddings. That whole "weddings are a great place to meet singles" is truly a fallacy. Only once in the 17 thousand weddings that I've been to has that actually happened to me. He was cute. He was South African and he wore a kilt as the groom was Scottish. We are now facebook friends and I thoroughly enjoy all of his rugby and cricket updates. At wedding #1 I was the only single girl there. Actually I take that back, HG was there and she was on her own, but only because her husband works in Syria. Yep, you read that right, Syria. Because that's a safe place to be right now. So she was my quasi-date - I got the fish, she got the red meat, we split the dessert. You know the drill.

At wedding #3 I didn't drink enough to hit on any of the young men there (and I really mean young - we're talking mid twenties - tops). At wedding #2 I had kind of a funny moment, especially as it relates to this blog. And the post from June 7th of last year in particular (click here). As pictured above, there was a candy bar at this wedding, which included swedish berries. There was also a Swedish guy there. So I asked him "what do you call these tasty treats in your homeland?" His response? "Candy." Smart ass.

april 29th to may 3rd

Sorry for my absenteeism. I have absolutely no excuse, except that I don’t have much to say these days. I really don’t have anything exciting to report about what has been going on in my life. I continue to be obsessed with the royal wedding, even though it’s over. I think because they gave us a tiny little peak into what is usually an intimate event (i.e. a wedding) and so now I want to be given access to everything else. Plus I love hats. And Prince Harry. SS and I watched together – I stayed over at her house, we set the alarm for 3 am MST, watched the event whilst eating homemade (by SS) scones and clotted cream and drinking mimosas. We watched the ceremony and the carriage ride and then went back to bed around 5:30. Got up again at 9 am and then I re-watched to see what I had missed the previous time, including the double-kiss on the balcony. Here is the scene the couch at approximately 4:20 am.

The afternoon of the wedding, I headed off to Vancouver in search of some greenery and warmth. After the craptastic weather we’ve been having in lovely YYC, I decided a tropical vacation was in order. Unfortunately my wallet only allowed me to get as far as Vancouver. But it was definitely warmer there it I had a very relaxing weekend with KM that consisted of beer, sushi, a ferry ride, burgers, wine, hockey, trivial pursuit and brunch.

Then I came back to two equally dramatic, but very different deaths; those of Osama bin Laden and the Liberal Party of Canada. Both were felled by sneak attacks – the first was killed by a team of NavySeals, while the latter was dealt a death blow by a man with a moustache and a cane. The only positive thing I can say about the election is that at least the Bloc Quebecois now has fewer seats than my car. Beyond that, I should probably refrain from talking about the results as this post could easily devolve into a crazed rant that I don’t really have the time or the energy for. That said, I did enjoy the conversations I had both during and after the election with 2 of my BOFs. What’s a BOF you ask? It’s a Boyfriend-Of-Friend. Knowing that I am political junkie, the male companions of both CG and HC decided to get in touch. Sadly both of them were satisfied, and in HC’s young man’s case downright giddy, with the results. You know what they say - you can pick your friends and you can pick your boyfriends, but you can’t pick your friends’ boyfriends. Although with team dating, we do our darndest. More on that later.

on your special day, please remember these simple rules

I’ve been to a lot of weddings in my day, as both guest and member of the bridal party. I’m 34 years old and I really feel like I’ve seen it all. One year I was invited to 7. That’s my highest tally so far (I think I went to 5 of them). This year it has been only two. So I think I can make an educated list on things that work and don’t work - a quick hit of things that can potentially make or break a wedding. I recognize that we all can't be super creative, but there is a fine line between tradition and cliches. I suggest you avoid the cliches. It's not that hard. I just urge you to consider the following observations. Take ‘em or leave ‘em, but remember, I am very wise.

• Unless you get married on a beach, there should be no sand. I don’t know who invented the sand ceremony, but it seems to me, the symbolism is completely made up.
• A live singer for the ceremony is not a bad idea, but please make sure he or she is on key.
• When choosing music for the ceremony, might I recommend that it be a new take on an old classic or a cool song that is reinterpreted for wedding purposes. Kelly Clarkson’s “A Moment Like This” is not appropriate processional material.
• Unless it’s dark outside, may I suggest no candles. The unity candle is up there with the sand ceremony as something that makes no sense. Why do you need a candle or sand to represent the pledge of unity between the bride and groom. Isn't just saying your vows enough to indicate that you are united? Lighting a candle in a church to represent those loved ones who have passed away is the exception to this rule. But only in a church.
• Flowers need to be real. (You would think this would go without saying, but surprisingly I’ve seen it).
• Corinthians? Really? You couldn’t find anything else about love and what it means?
• A ceremony that lasts less than 15 minutes is encouraged. While your guests may be happy to watch you declare your love in front of god, man and the state, we’re really here for the party.
• If you insist on getting married outside, and it's not June, July or August,might I suggest that you allow your bridesmaids to wear fur. Faux or not, it’s up to you. But really, setting them up for pneumonia will not encourage a life long friendship.
• There is a a time and a place for 22 stories about the happy couple’s many adventures. It’s called a rehearsal dinner.
• Five speeches tops - bride’s family, groom’s family, best man, maid of honour, couple. Exceptions can be made if the speeches are short and extremely clever. Only in this case can more people step up to the microphone.
• Space the speeches appropriately. When dinner starts at 6, the last speech being completed by 10:40 is unacceptable. There are no exceptions to this rule.
• Remember to provide good/plentiful food for your bridal party all day - from the morning hair appointment through to the 800 photos. There is nothing worse than a ravenous, drunken bridesmaid in a bad dress who resents the bride. Recipe for disaster. And a ridiculously high bar bill.
• I understand that head tables are tradition and that you want your wedding party to feel important, but sitting on a pedestal so that everyone can watch you eat, stuck talking to the same people you’ve been hanging out with all day, is really not fun. A table dedicated to the wedding party is totally fine, just let it be amongst the guests, not isolated from the party.
• Do not stick more than two single girls at the wedding at the same table, surrounded by couples. Get ready for some resentful single friends, getting ridiculously drunk. Luckily they will be wearing dresses they actually picked out so will not be as resentful as the aforementioned underfed and pneumatic bridesmaids.
• Open bar. We’re in our 30s. We should not be paying for our drinks. Invite fewer people if necessary. Your great uncle does not need to come. I do however need a free gin and tonic.
• Slideshows are totally acceptable. That said, they can’t go on for longer than 10 minutes. Especially if you’ve been together for less than a year. Repeated pictures are not allowed. Embarrassing photos are encouraged. Also, please include pictures of your friends. Four minutes of the bride and groom is too much - we’ve been staring at you all day, seeing how we fit into your life makes us feel like we’re actually engaged in the process.
• A good live band is always welcome.
• Invite friends who can do the worm or will at least attempt the manoevre. A breakdance circle is also strongly encouraged.
• Final rule. Return of the Mack needs to be on the playlist.

I recognize that this list might come back to haunt me should I ever get married. But I stick to it for now, and I reserve the right to edit as needed. Besides, someday it could make for great speech material!