call me maybe

It's a good song in theory.  Catchy and simple.  Its evilness lies of course in the fact that it is grammatically incorrect, was played non-stop all summer and that it encourages you to do stupid things like actually give someone your number in the hope that they will call you maybe.

I bring this up now because a few weeks ago I went out with RB, MZ and KF.  I would like to say that it all started off innocently, but RB and I hadn't had a night out together in awhile and I had spent 2 weeks in Prince George (don't ask) so we were both looking to go out on a rippy tear (my mother's words).  But it quickly went off the deep end when I had 2 strong margaritas from Ox and Angela before food arrived.

We ran into some friends of mine, one of whom is a man about town and so I blame him for everything that happened that night.  And by everything, I really mean only one thing.  That one thing being that we ended up at a bar, where a DJ I sort of know and kind of have a crush on, was playing and for some reason (those reasons of course being tequila, RB and man about town referenced above) I decided to write my name, my number and the words "I'm all shook up" on a napkin and give it to said DJ.  I promptly ran out of the bar as quickly as possible.

Needless to say I have not heard from him and I will never return to that bar.

into the wild

You will no doubt have noticed that I've been remarkably silent as of late. Mainly because nothing too exciting has been going on. Well things have been going on, but no really funny stories have emerged as a result. To be honest, there aren’t even really any boring stories that I can embellish to make funny. So instead here are some pictures of the wilderness ...

1) Kootenay River - I went canoeing on the May long weekend. Was a lovely trip with great food, good weather, really nice people and plenty of cold beer! What you can't see in this picture is the massive wave to the far right of the river that nearly caused us to flip the canoe, which would have sucked as the water was maybe 5 degrees (incidentally perfect temp for keeping the aforementioned beer nice and cold). I have never come this close to going over on a trip like this and really I’m not sure how we stayed upright. All the canoes following us either went into rescue mode or got the hell away from the line we took. When we came to shore 2 minutes later, I have never enjoyed a nerve-calming beer* more.

2) Bryant Creek hut - Two weeks ago I went for an overnight jaunt into the mountains. Once again it was lovely - great people, great food, okay weather and not nearly enough wine. You would think that 5 bottles + bailey's between 6 people would be sufficient, but it was not. We did still manage to have a somewhat raging dance party though, so that's always fun. What you can’t see in this picture is the pain in my hip flexors. I was thinking this would be a nice relaxing walk through the woods, easing me into the backcountry camping, but then I realized that while there may not have been much elevation gain, we still walked 28 km roundtrip. Ouch.

After all that fun in the wilderness, it's time for some fun in the city. Luckily Stampede/Spansede starts tomorrow. Surely some good stories will come out of that one. Not only of the scandalous hookup type that are the norm this time of year, but perhaps there will be some good royal stories! Will and Kate are here ... Will I get to meet them? And if so, will she become my new best friend? In theory, the answer is of course yes, but in reality? We'll know by Friday afternoon!

*Anyone else notice that I managed to say the word beer 3 times in a 5 sentence paragraph that was ostensibly about canoeing? I wonder if there is some deeper meaning to that?

goddamn you mother nature pt. 2

On Sunday morning this is what I saw when I walked out of my house. Keep in mind that it was April 3rd. It was all kinds of awesome.*

A good 20 cms of snow had fallen since Friday night. I could only take the picture on Sunday morning because it was too depressing to leave the house on Saturday. One - because of all the snow, and two - because I was very hungover, thanks to celebrating JM's 35th birthday on Friday night. I won't get into any of the gory details of the night, but needless to say on Saturday I would have paid 100 dollars for someone to hand deliver me a quarter pounder, fries and fountain pop.

And yes, that is my spanking new car. Love it.

* incidentally, if I look back at previous posts, there was a similar bad news snow story in April of 2010 ... not sure why I was surprised this time around. I'm a sucker I guess.

memories of kellermans

Friday night was my work Christmas party. It's now Sunday morning and I think I've finally gotten over my hangover. It turned out to be a really fun night, with everyone taking full advantage of the prosecco on hand. There was karaoke involved. We all remember how much I love to karaoke. RB and I kicked it off with a memorable version of Time of My Life (the original, not the really bad Black Eyed Peas version. They should be ashamed of themselves for co-opting such a great song. Sorry for the rant, now back to the story at hand). It went a little something like this ... we even attempted the lift!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WpmILPAcRQo

(for some reason it won't let me embed. annoying. but I suggest you follow the link. it's awesome)

I actually own the Dirty Dancing DVD. My mom gave it to me for my birthday a few years ago. It's a bit of a joke in our family because when the movie came out, my mom wouldn't let me see it. As it had the word dirty in the title, she figured I was too young (I was 11). But then, we went to her boss' house for dinner and his daughter, who was a year younger than I was, had it on VHS. My mom couldn't say no, because it would look bad, so I finally got to watch it. And of course loved it. Still do. I carried a watermelon is one of my all time fave movie lines, and I use it whenever there is a watermelon present.

pottery fail (sort of)

In this photo, you will see two mugs. Both made by hand. Can you guess which one I made? I'll give you a hint ... it's the one on the left. Notice it's about half the size of the professionally made one. I think it will contain 3 sips of coffee. Not a spectacular effort, if I do say so myself. BUT, and this is an important but, I tried ... right? I would never call myself super creative or artistic, so the fact that I made something, that resembles a coffee mug, isn't porous, and has an actual handle, is somewhat impressive. As such, I call this only a quasi-failure. It's certainly no cake disaster, that's for sure. It probably helped that no alcoholic beverages were consumed while using the potter's wheel. I also made numerous bowls ... can't post any photos of those as they will be wrapped and put under the tree for all my favourite blog readers!

cake disaster

Remember my pie success? Well, tonight I had the opposite problem. I was so confident in my cake making abilities that I had 3+ glasses of wine before making my signature chocolate chip cake for the United Way bake sale at work tomorrow. I love this cake. My mom used to make it for me on my birthday. I can pretty much make it from memory and whenever I bring it somewhere it's a big hit. Tonight I failed. Miserably. It didn't rise. I didn't have enough flour, but figured it would be ok. I was wrong. I'm pretty sure that no one will want to pay anything for it and so will not help raise any money for charity. Lesson learned - don't drink and bake.

no turkey, but still thankful

Today is Thanksgiving Monday. I could not be happier to have the day off. For that I am thankful. I am thankful for many other things too ... here is an incomplete list of other things I am happy for, right now, Monday October 11th at approximately 3:30 in the afternoon (I specify the time and date, because what I am thankful for changes at an alarmingly fast pace):

• my parents (obvious, but true) - they live far away and I get annoyed with them on the phone, but they are the most generous, well meaning people in the world and I could not have asked for a better mother and father.
• my friends (another obvious statement) - both near and far. I have been lucky enough to have travelled and lived in various cities and I have friends in all of these places. And I got to spend some quality time with a few of them, both new and old, this weekend, so that is wonderful.
• alcohol - this might seem weird, and mean that I have a drinking problem, but it's true. I'm thankful for the great bottle of pinot noir that SS and I shared last night over a pork loin dinner (no turkey for us), and while I was super hungover on Saturday, I'm thankful for the vodka sodas on Friday night (and from a few weeks ago at the Drake) that allowed my friends to get ridiculously drunk and provide hours of entertainment and great stories to last for years. But I promise that I don't drink alone (well not excessively) and I know when to stop. So please don't be freaked out that it's listed third here.
• BBM - I've mentioned this before, but really I think it's my favourite new technology.
• music - a soundtrack to my life makes things much more interesting.
• photography - along with the music, the images of my life that I wouldn't otherwise remember, remind me of all the good times I've had.
• the pathway system - I love that there are pathways dedicated to walkers, runners, cyclists, rollerbladers, etc that run through some of the most beautiful places in the city and that on sunny fall days like this past Saturday, people take full advantage of them.
• the Saturday newspaper - I do love the interweb and all the things you can find online, but there is still so much to be said for reading an actual paper full of stories from all around the world. Ideally with multiple cups of coffee.

There are obviously many more things that I am thankful for ... this is a list that could never end. But sometimes it's nice to stop and highlight a few.

empire state of mind

In my drunken state on Saturday night, I turned into a thief. While at the Drake we ran into some acquaintances ... one of them decided to have a post-bar party and so we went back to her place. After all the wine and vodka, this seemed like a good idea. I'm pretty sure it wasn't. It was a very weird turn of events, involving a member of the 1996 Canadian Olympic team, a Native American statue and a Bee Gees dance party. As we were leaving (at 3:45 am), I thought that it would be a good idea to steal this random guy's NY Yankees* hat. It had been decided earlier that this guy was something of a dbag, and so I guess I figured he deserved to have his hat stolen. I will say that the next morning I woke up full of remorse and feeling bad that I stole dude's hat. Had someone stolen mine, even if they were drunk, I would be unimpressed. Turns out he was unimpressed. He got in touch with SS (through a mutual friend) and sent her a very kind email suggesting a drink in exchange for said hat. The exchange is supposed to happen today. What we still haven't figured out is if I will owe her, for making her spend time with this guy, as the jury is still out on whether or not he really is a dbag. Or, on the other hand, perhaps she will owe me, as he could very well turn out to be a good guy and they will fall in love and end up naming their first child after me (with the middle name Yankee of course). I don't know about you, but I am on the edge of my seat waiting to see what will happen.

*cue Jay-Z: "I made a Yankees hat more famous than a Yankee can."

no ducky's

I woke up Saturday morning with this on my hand (sadly it's not a guy's phone number). Here is the backstory. There is a bar here in town. Well of course there are many bars, but this post is about one in particular. It's a karaoke bar. Karaoke, which of course was quite fashionable at one point (i.e. the 90s), and now, not so much. Yet this place remains popular. And not really in a kitschy, retro kind of way, because it is neither of these things. Nor is it trendy or classy. In fact it is really quite trashy. It is the dive bar of dive bars, yet somehow it has become one of our standbys. Almost our local. It doesn't really make sense. You never meet hot guys, rather you get hit on by men with moustaches (in a non-ironic sense) who can barely walk. And the music isn't particularly good. It's karaoke, so it's old faves (and not so old faves), too often ballads, sung by sad drunk people. The drinks aren't very good. To be honest, they are actually quite bad. The cheapest vodka and dodgy draft beer, so as a result the Ducky's hangovers are legendary.

The Ducky's stories are also legendary. Important events happen here. Milestones really. A few years ago, for AH's birthday we started off with a classy wine tasting at The Cellar. All went well still we started drinking full bottles rather than one-ounce tastings. This then turned into a trip to Ducky's. It went quickly downhill. She puked in the bathroom. On yet another occasion, she had her first dance with her now husband (and father to her recently born child). After SS moved into her first place after leaving her married home (aka empty tomb of a marriage) she ended up there with her mother - Sue loves to karaoke. Once we got cut off singing "Don't Stop Believing" at 2 am (before it became a popular song thanks to Glee). We went there on the first friday of Stampede a few years ago. I only remember this because there are pictures. And I'm in them. Finally, there was one particular night that HC and Christie had such a big night that they vowed not to end up there again. Hence the handwriting on my hand in the picture. It was to remind us not to end up there again. And all signs tonight pointed to us not going there. First we went out for a great meal at the hippest new gastropub in town. All signs pointed to a dignified birthday celebration. It really was quite a classy. Then someone ordered more wine. Six hundred dollars later, we ended up at Ducky's. Yep, that about sums it up.

mondays suck

The brouhaha of Stampede was fun while it lasted, but it was time to take a break from the beer and cowboy hats and head to the lake to detox. I use the term "detox" in its broadest sense ... there was still alcohol, just no more cans of Miller Chill or Sleeman's Light. Instead we had Oyster Bay Sauvignon Blanc and Margaritas. Plus we got to sit around reading magazines and discussing the latest gossip, while enjoying the sun and the lake. It was awesome.

1% country music

So the one night stand discussion has taken on a life of it's own ... not that surprising seeing as it is still Stampede time and so the conditions are ripe for random hookups. Here is the latest:

• Last night we got a male perspective ... let's call him "Cory." He said that a one night stand is all about filling a need. Intent and outcome don't really matter. I think this is why women usually end up feeling bad about themselves after a one night stand ... we always have some sort of expectation, whether the need has been filled or not.


• My friend EM had a slight alteration to the intent being "nine-tenths" of the hook-up. According to her calculations, intent is 90%, alcohol represents 9% and the final 1% of a one night stand is due to the power that is country music.

I'm thinking that this discussion is not over ... stay tuned for more insightul comments about this very important issue.