daddy issues

I'm having a hard time figuring out how to put all of our comments from last night's Bachelor into a cohesive story line, mainly because our viewing party was interrupted by some fierce googling of HC's latest date as well as some intimate discussions about whether or not a woman's cervix is fixed in place. Please note that the two discussions were not necessarily related.

But even if these conversations were very off-topic they were still much more stimulating than the conversations that Brad had with the ladies. Plus, no one died in our stories. Seriously, why do all the women feel the need to tell Brad about their sob stories as soon as he says hello? It's a bit much, non? And I wonder what Brad's "therapist" would say about the fact that all the women who go on the Bachelor all seem have some sort of daddy issues - an absent father (dentist), a dead one (Chantal, Ashley) or a fatherless child (Emily)?

On to the big events of the evening ...

• We figure the only reason Seal is on the show is because he has like 7 kids at home and is sick and tired of Heidi Klum getting to leave all the time to host project runway or strut her stuff in Victoria's Secret fashion shows. Sadly this was the only option available to him.

• As to AH's big question of the night: "What exactly does Brad's tattoo mean?" Tim had a very concise response: "That he's a douche."

• As we were watching the action film "date" we had two main questions. 1) Did they all go shopping at the same tacky-lululemon-knock-off store? and 2) Do other people watching this think this is a cool idea? Obviously we cringe and question why we watch the show, but do others think, "Hey, this is awesome, I wish I could film a fake action movie that no one will ever see? But no one ever takes me on dates like this. My life sucks."

• HC was trying to recount a funny story about a night we had in Panorama over the holidays, but it was really one of those stories where you had to be there. As she put it, "that story crashed just like Ricky's plane." Harsh but true.

• We still don't know who half the "ladies" are ... name and occupation is insufficient. We need more contextual information. For example it should say Britt, 25, food writer, made out excessively with Brad on the bed during useless blood drive public service announcement. Lisa, 24, wore ruby red shoes on night one, hair is too long, but for some reason it works. Or Lindsay, 25, thank god I have red hair, otherwise no one would remember me.

• Also from now on Christie shall be known as Christie I. Even though we have no other friends named Christie, we will start using the letter I as an homage to our favourite show which always seems to have two Ashleys.

And just in case you were wondering, we never did find any juicy information about HC's date ... according to the interweb, dude is a ghost.