a very long Stampede recap

Good news! All that talk of nothing exciting happening, went swiftly out the window on the Friday of Stampede at the rodeo! There was much drama and intrigue, including a stand-off between one set of exes, a friendly meeting between another, and a Spansede hook-up with a familiar face. A few weeks have passed and the alcohol has finally worn off, so I feel I can write a proper summary of the events.

So it all started off innocently with lunch at Cilantro. Very classy. Cheese plate, salads and only 2 bottles of Australian Sauvignon Blanc. Then we went to the rodeo. Also started off classy – infield seats, more wine, was all good. Then we switched to beer. Then we went to the infield beer garden where we had more beer. So many plastic cups full in fact that AH and AZ needed help carrying the beer from the bar to the place we were standing a mere 10 metres away. So they recruited some helpers. Turns out, one of the helpers was Yankee Hat Guy! (yes, this city is really that small). He was almost unrecognizable in his sunglasses and cowboy hat – seriously he carried the beers over to us before we realized we kind of knew this guy and his friends. We probably would have figured it out eventually - his winning good looks and extremely white smile gave him away. Plus when SS arrived from another party, he immediately turned up the charm. Much witty conversation ensued. It did almost go completely awry when SS’ ex-husband (let’s call him DB, which may or may not stand for douchebag) showed up, along with the originator of “Spansede", HC’s ex. But both fought through it. When talking to a random 3rd person who asked HC and Mr. Spansede how they knew each other, he very politely replied “we dated for awhile.” 3rd person was impressed at their friendliness. While SS was talking to Mr. Spansede her ex was standing about 5 metres away with his back to her. As I don't have a picture of the event here is my attempt at drawing it - stick figures are about as artistic as I get.

After the back to back standoff, SS decided to be the bigger person, went over and said hello, have a good stampede and off we went. I think he was in shock. SS = 1. DB = 0.

Off we went to Cowboys, the “legendary” tent which has been missing for the past few years in Calgary. More tomfoolery ensued. Ran into RB who was rocking the cowboy fascinator, and who has no recollection of when she and Ryan did the Dirty Dancing lift in the smoking area. AZ’s Norwegian crush LT showed up in fully Stampede regalia, danced like a maniac for an hour, and pulled a houdini, cementing his status as a foreign enigma. Yankee Hat Guy was there, but missing in action, save for his very cryptic email to SS which said, and I quote, “wanna make out?” So then the dance played out and eventually they left … together. I won’t sully my friend’s name by publicly declaring whether or not she was a good hostess, but let’s just say that after day one of Stampede, the score was SS = 2. DB = 0. It should also be noted that while some of my friends tried to claim that they “drank themselves sober” one of them threw up before going to bed and another slept on the hardwood floor in the living room while her husband and cousin looked on and laughed. Oh and Cory threw up on the street.

On Sunday night I went to the Chucks. No horses were harmed, but whoever produced the evening show should probably be. The performers did their best, and I appreciate all the work the Young Canadians put into it, but the attempt to provide a narrative thread (in this case it was the “garden of imagination”) to a mishmash of performances was completely pointless. The Chucks were awesome as usual. In another life I would like to be an outrider.

Tuesday night was the CBA party, which surprisingly doesn’t have any crazy stories, but was still fun. We saw threesome guy, who uncharacteristically kept grabbing our asses. Made us wonder about a potential substance abuse problem. Good news is that we saw him again the next night and he was quite sheepish - I think he was just quite drunk. I saw this guy from back in the day – he was not as alluring as he had been a year and a half ago, but still a nice guy. I did facebook stalk him the next day and confirmed that he has a gfriend. Oh well, like I said, not as endearing as previously thought. DB was standing at the entrance talking to some friends and saw us. Within 3 seconds he had moved further into the party. I think we can now say that SS has the upper hand. SS = 3. DB = 0.

On Wednesday we hit up the Stampede Round-Up. This night was memorable for many reasons, not the least of which is that I finally got to see the band that sings the one country song I know all the words to – “Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy).” I don’t know that I ever needed to see them live, and to be honest I was too busy drinking free beer and stalking Yankee Hat Guy (of course he was there!) to actually “watch” them, but I appreciate that they were playing in the background. Later on we got to see some equally cheesy pop music when we went the ultimate boy band concert – NKOTBSB! But back to the Fort Calgary party. Oftentimes we are scrambling to get tickets to this event, but this year they magically appeared courtesy of SS and AH. So yes, YHG was fairly easy to spot thanks to his winning good looks and very white smile. His smile is so perfect that we were considering changing his moniker to CC – which represents both the short form of Cheshire Cat and his actual initials – but it seems a bit too obvious. So we will stick with the much more creative YHG. There was much too-ing and fro-ing about how to approach him (even though SS had run into him at another party on Monday night …as I wasn’t there, it’s not included in this very official Stampede summary). Eventually contact was made, but things got a bit awkward when his ex-gf, who is now engaged to someone else, came up to say hello. It should be noted that as the world is so small, his ex used to be friends with SS and was actually invited to SS’s wedding to DB. She didn’t come and they aren’t friends anymore. There’s more drama to the story, but frankly this is getting a big long, so let’s just say, it was uncomfortable for everyone involved and YHG pulled the plug soon thereafter. As a result, SS didn’t leave with him, and came with us to the NKTOBSB concert as planned. We have a friend who is on a first name basis with the NKOTB and actually gave them the cowboy hats that they wore at the concert. She also got us great tickets that enabled us to get this close to the BSB resident bad boy AJ:

The concert was a hoot (I sound like my mom) and we danced and sang along with the boys in all of their cheesy glory. I'd also like to point out I've had "I want it that way" in my head for the past 2 weeks.

So now we find ourselves at Thursday, which also happened to be my bday. Now I’m not really a big birthday person, but for the second year in a row, my birthday happened to fall during stampede, which means everyone is out, so it’s natural to have a party. The problem in this case was that my birthday was at the tail end of stampede (so everyone is tired of going out) and I was super busy at work (I know … who knew?) so it was kind of a pain. But I soldiered through. I managed to sneak out of work to hit my company party, which unsurprisingly, was kind of lame. Then headed to my previous employer’s party, which was actually quite good – helped along by the fact that I’m good friends with many of my former co-workers and there was free booze. Then we wandered over to Cowboys (again), where other people bought me drinks, mostly shots, and I proceeded to get somewhat drunk and belligerent. But this was not entirely unexpected as in the weeks leading up to my big day, when discussing plans, I had sent out an email inviting people to come meet me, but with a qualifier indicating that “I will be drunk and belligerent as I come to terms with the fact that I am the oldest person I know.” That my friends, is a direct quote. And a prophetic one at that. A bunch of peeps were there – all at various stages of drunkenness. Luckily AH and SS had been triple fisting beer and wine at the rodeo and some of my former co-workers had done shots along with me, so while I was still the drunkest one there, at least I had some friends along for the ride. After eating a bucket of mini-donuts that substituted for a cake, I raised my hand, thanked everyone for coming, and declared my birthday to be over. So even though I was home by 11, my 8am meeting the next day was a rough one, and I made it through thanks only to the extra-large fountain pop I picked up at Subway. Needless to say I got a few looks from my colleagues as they sipped their coffee and silently judged me.

And so Stampede was finally over. YHG seems to have disappeared into the ether - if and when he surfaces, I'll be sure to let you know. Either way, I think we can all agree that SS won Stampede this year.

into the wild

You will no doubt have noticed that I've been remarkably silent as of late. Mainly because nothing too exciting has been going on. Well things have been going on, but no really funny stories have emerged as a result. To be honest, there aren’t even really any boring stories that I can embellish to make funny. So instead here are some pictures of the wilderness ...

1) Kootenay River - I went canoeing on the May long weekend. Was a lovely trip with great food, good weather, really nice people and plenty of cold beer! What you can't see in this picture is the massive wave to the far right of the river that nearly caused us to flip the canoe, which would have sucked as the water was maybe 5 degrees (incidentally perfect temp for keeping the aforementioned beer nice and cold). I have never come this close to going over on a trip like this and really I’m not sure how we stayed upright. All the canoes following us either went into rescue mode or got the hell away from the line we took. When we came to shore 2 minutes later, I have never enjoyed a nerve-calming beer* more.

2) Bryant Creek hut - Two weeks ago I went for an overnight jaunt into the mountains. Once again it was lovely - great people, great food, okay weather and not nearly enough wine. You would think that 5 bottles + bailey's between 6 people would be sufficient, but it was not. We did still manage to have a somewhat raging dance party though, so that's always fun. What you can’t see in this picture is the pain in my hip flexors. I was thinking this would be a nice relaxing walk through the woods, easing me into the backcountry camping, but then I realized that while there may not have been much elevation gain, we still walked 28 km roundtrip. Ouch.

After all that fun in the wilderness, it's time for some fun in the city. Luckily Stampede/Spansede starts tomorrow. Surely some good stories will come out of that one. Not only of the scandalous hookup type that are the norm this time of year, but perhaps there will be some good royal stories! Will and Kate are here ... Will I get to meet them? And if so, will she become my new best friend? In theory, the answer is of course yes, but in reality? We'll know by Friday afternoon!

*Anyone else notice that I managed to say the word beer 3 times in a 5 sentence paragraph that was ostensibly about canoeing? I wonder if there is some deeper meaning to that?

on weddings and swedish berries

It's been awhile since I went on my wedding rule rant (found here). And since then I've been to 3 weddings. For those keeping count, that makes 4 in 8 months. And I just RSVP "no" to one in August. Seriously. This is my life.

I don't really have too much to add to the rules that were previously discussed as all 3 weddings actually followed them very closely. They all had great food, open bar, and very satisfying guest gifts (tea strainer spoon, candy loot bags and cake balls). The speeches were short and sweet at all of them (although at wedding #2 there was errant speech by the mother-of-the-bride read by the aunt-of-the-bride that was not quite as touching as she probably had hoped for), flowers and decor were lovely and not-at-all over the top, and the only ceremony to symbolize their love for each other was the actual ceremony (yes, I'm talking to you mr. made up candle and/or sand ritual).

The groom in wedding #3 was Indian, which made for some fantastic music. I've decided that no matter what ethnicity the man I marry is, we will have definitely be having some of this music playing in the background during dinner and then for a few dances as well. I'm sure it will seem perfectly normal.

Unsurprisingly I didn't really meet any new men at the various weddings. That whole "weddings are a great place to meet singles" is truly a fallacy. Only once in the 17 thousand weddings that I've been to has that actually happened to me. He was cute. He was South African and he wore a kilt as the groom was Scottish. We are now facebook friends and I thoroughly enjoy all of his rugby and cricket updates. At wedding #1 I was the only single girl there. Actually I take that back, HG was there and she was on her own, but only because her husband works in Syria. Yep, you read that right, Syria. Because that's a safe place to be right now. So she was my quasi-date - I got the fish, she got the red meat, we split the dessert. You know the drill.

At wedding #3 I didn't drink enough to hit on any of the young men there (and I really mean young - we're talking mid twenties - tops). At wedding #2 I had kind of a funny moment, especially as it relates to this blog. And the post from June 7th of last year in particular (click here). As pictured above, there was a candy bar at this wedding, which included swedish berries. There was also a Swedish guy there. So I asked him "what do you call these tasty treats in your homeland?" His response? "Candy." Smart ass.

safety first pt. 3

So it's been awhile since I've discussed the obsession my workplace has with safety (for a quick refresher, see here and here), but the quarterly internal magazine just came out and there was an article in it that struck me. It was called "Exercise vs. Egress." Some of the highlights are below:

"A number of employees use the stairs to run up a flight or two rather than wait for the elevators. Why not, it saves time and allows you to get in a little exercise at the same time. But, the question is, "is it always safe?" In a building as old as this one, stairwells were built solely for egress (the act of exiting), which is why they are so narrow .... if an emergency were to occur there could be extreme congestion if the stairs are not being used for their true purpose ... The building has already experienced a number of near misses. The stairwells are

not monitored by building security, so one scenario to consider is that if while using the stairwell you were to trip or experience a medical emergency it is quite possible you would not be found for quite some time."

For reals. Apparently at my place of employment, safety trumps fitness. I'm obviously not the only one who chooses to flaunt this workplace health and safety guideline as I often run into people in the stairwell - which incidentally is easily wide enough to fit two people going in opposite direction - so I know that should I trip and hit my head, I would found promptly enough. But as a bonus, I did learn a new word = egress. I will now try to use it at least once a day from now on. Sentence for today: If my employer comes up with one more ridiculous safety guideline, I will have to egress through the nearest open window!

abuse of the ellipsis

So only AH was able to make it to watch the Bachelorette on Monday night and she started of the evening telling me a funny story. On the weekend she was up at her cabin and her cousin Marco was also there. I don’t know if I have mentioned that AH is Greek, but she is and it’s a fundamental part of the story. So at one point Marco was playing with her son (let’s call him “Mikey”) and he had a Bert doll (as in Bert & Ernie from Sesame Street). As he grew up in Greece, he doesn’t know who Bert is, so in his game, Bert was “Mitchell” from the village. When AH asked him what and who the hell he was talking about, he explained that this random doll, with the mono-brow, looked exactly like Dimitri (English name Mitchell) from the small village back in Greece.

Now you may wonder what this has to do with the Bachelorette. Well the connection is tenuous, but it exists. I opined that Ashley would send home mask-guy and Greek guy. But then she picked Constantine first. What? He didn’t say a word the whole episode. English or Greek. Just one of the many moves Ashley made that had us all scratching our heads and wondering what the eff is wrong with her. It also got us wondering what the English name is for Constantine. After some extensive research (i.e. googling “English name for Constantine) it seems the answer is Constantine. Boring.

Moving on. If you look back at my many posts, you will notice that I’m a big fan of the ellipsis. I probably over use it, but I enjoy that when used properly, it can convey something that goes unsaid. I “dated” a guy who used the ellipsis at the end of every sentence in an email and it drove me crazy. I felt like I had to read between the lines to understand what he was saying. At the time, I figured he was the king of double speak. But Bentley’s insistence that his callous departure didn’t have to be goodbye, it could be “dot dot dot” takes the ellipsis to a whole new level and so I crown him the new king of double speak – or in a less polite term – bull shit. That said, I did not feel bad for Ashley as she was crying and talking to herself in bed, as she did it to herself, by believing that he was there for the right reasons and deciding that she was in love with him, after talking to him a total of 4 times. So thank you Chris Harrison stepping in and talking some sense into poor little Ashley. She definitely needed it.

So I would say that JP is still my front runner. He seems like a perfectly lovely, totally crush-worthy guy.* The problem of course is that Ashley is quite boring and has not proven herself to be that smart, so I will be very disappointed if he ends up with her. Much like Chris from Ali’s season, I hope that they don’t end up together and that he goes off into the sunset, away from the spotlight, and doesn’t end up in some ridiculous fame-whoring relationship with an insecure idiot like Ashley.

Why do I watch this show again?

*It should be noted that HC’s new boyfriend (he of the conservative leanings) is also perfectly lovely and totally crush-worthy and his name also happens to be JP. But he has a full head of hair and speaks with a French accent, so we can definitely rule out that it’s the same person. Phewf.

where the streets have no name

Remember way back in June last year when I was so upset that the U2 concert was postponed? In the true spirit of never being satisfied, this June I'm upset because the concert is over! It was on Wednesday night, and my, how fabulous it was. Beautiful evening, beautiful music and a few great stories - this one about Bono hitchhiking is just so fantastic. Only in Canada would an Edmonton Oiler pick up a rock star on the side of the road.

I then spent the 3 hour drive back to Calgary listening to all the U2 songs on my ipod. The one below will I think always be my favourite:

I should also point out that while U2 is obviously a big-time band, they are also a sentimental favourite. My brother had both October and War before they were big and so the fact that I got to go to their concert 30 years later is one of those things that kind of throws me for a loop. But it also makes me thankful to be able to enjoy such fabulous things like good live music and singing at the top of my lungs on the open road.

HC with the win

So the new season of the Bachelorette has begun. I'm trying to fight this weird need I have to watch this damn show. But once again, I get sucked in, even though I said it at the end of Brad's season and I'll say it again - Ashley is incredibly annoying. And according to Tim, definitely not hot enough to get guys to watch the show.

My early fave is JP. I also liked the guy who had the guitar gimmick in the 1st episode, but she got rid of him. I originally liked William, but his dorkiness is killing my desire. There are a bunch of non-descript dark haired guys of whom I have no opinion on thus far. The dates, though have sucked. Eating dinner in the Bellagio fountain surrounded by screaming "fans?" No thanks. A random interpretive dance date? Yuck. And I don't even remember the last one, but I'm sure it was lame. HC didn't watch it with us last night, but she gets the quote of the episode in the BBM she sent me 15 minutes ago: "ABC is running the Guantanamo Bay of dating shows." Took me a minute, but I realized she was making a smart political reference to torture. So wise that one.