team vienna

I didn't do a recap of last week's episode, so to quickly get it over with, Rated R you are an idiot. Don't you know that everyone in our country knows each other, and this of course extends to the small community of Canadians who have been involved with the Bachelor/Bachelorette series, so it's not all surprising that "Jessica" would reach out to "Jessie" and they would figure out how to get Chris Harrison's Icelandic cell phone number ... we women are just that resourceful. The only surprise really is that they somehow didn't manage to include that other Canuck Jillian in on the phone call, but I guess she was too busy moving out of Ed's house and back to Kelowna

Ok, on to this week. Really, the 1.5 hour show was just a pre-amble to the big event of the night - the Jake and Vienna split. More on that after the following concise points:

• Pedro (aka Roberto): Dancing in the street, really? And then pulling out the line "are we the only people dancing in the street ... I don't care." Again, really? Ali says he might be too good to be true, but I just say he is too much. Plus he has weird eyebrows.

• Frank: Dude lives with his parents. And probably manages an Old Navy. And he sweats a lot. And whines. And he wears a thumb ring (although this is not as bad as Ty's necklace ... bad man-jewelry is apparently an epidemic on this show). Yet she still wants to make out with him a tree. I just don't get it.

• Ty: According to a direct quote from last week "women can be the heads of major corporations." Thanks tips. Did you also know that women have had the right to vote since 1918?

• Kirk: Even though Ali was "off" the whole day, Kirk was still happy. My favourite quote: "look, horses" as their horse-drawn carriage arrived. And then later that night, when she pulled herself together he managed to be both a cornball and sincere all at the same time. He had a great answer to her ridiculous "how do I know I'll be good enough for you in 5 years?" (we get it, you're insecure. enough already). Unlike Pedro, he just sounds like he means it. I don't think he will make it past next week and this saddens me. He's just so great.

• Chris: As much as I like Kirk, I think I need to give it up to the landscaper. I love how ackward he is when talking about his feelings and then how nervous he was as he pulled the bracelet out of his pocket with the words "I wanted to make sure I liked you enough to give it to you." Cause really, it is so ridiculous when the men show up already in love (ahem Casey and Frank) ... this seemed much more genuine.

Ok, finally on to Jake and Vienna. I will start this off by saying that they are both complete idiots and famewhores. But, I can't believe I'm saying this, she came off smelling like roses where he just ended up behaving like a controlling douche. Dude, just because you can say the words undermine, emasculate and disrespect, doesn't mean that you own the high ground. Can you spell those words? I think not. His publicist should be fired, because he looked like a smug asshole who doesn't know how to use measuring tape.