I'm moving to Cape Cod ...

I finally got around to watching the bachelorette last night. There were of course 4 hometown dates, but the only one that matters was visit to Cape Cod to meet Chris's family. I think my feelings are best explained through the 6 texts I sent in quick succession to RB (who unfortunately missed the episode):

• You would die seeing Chris's hometown date. He is so cute. Black lab (named Jenny), rainy walk along the beach, beautiful New England house with porch. OMG.
• His brothers and their wives/girlfriends are awesome too. They all love wine.
• How sad he is that his mom isn't around to meet Ali, but how happy she would be to see him happy. His dad cried when they left.
• The way his jeans fit him OMG. And then he kissed her neck. And then he grabbed it and went in for the kiss. Am DYING.
• If she doesn't pick him, her heart is made of stone.
• Will you come visit me when I move to Cape Cod?

To which she replied "yes I will come visit you, if only to sleep with your husband."

Always nice to know you can count on your friends ...

1% country music

So the one night stand discussion has taken on a life of it's own ... not that surprising seeing as it is still Stampede time and so the conditions are ripe for random hookups. Here is the latest:

• Last night we got a male perspective ... let's call him "Cory." He said that a one night stand is all about filling a need. Intent and outcome don't really matter. I think this is why women usually end up feeling bad about themselves after a one night stand ... we always have some sort of expectation, whether the need has been filled or not.


• My friend EM had a slight alteration to the intent being "nine-tenths" of the hook-up. According to her calculations, intent is 90%, alcohol represents 9% and the final 1% of a one night stand is due to the power that is country music.

I'm thinking that this discussion is not over ... stay tuned for more insightul comments about this very important issue.

one smart fortune cookie

A side note to the one night stand discussion was the hilarity that ensued when one friend chirped in with "my problem is that once I get a guy home, I want to be a good hostess ..." What she said next got lost as we burst into laughter. It's a valid point - our parents did bring us up not to be rude! But of course, now the term "to host" has become dirty. So when I offered to host the next bachelorette viewing party I had to clarify that it would be a "pants on" party.

I bring this up not only because it's funny. I had Chinese food for dinner last night. My fortune cookie read "You will be the guest of a gracious host within the month." I guess sometimes getting a good fortune also means getting lucky!

Spansede!

Stampede, also known as "Christmas in July," is upon us. Down on the grounds, there is the rodeo, the chuckwagons, actual cowboys, the agricultural building, the super dogs, the midway, random concerts and of course the various foods on sticks. Away from the grounds, there is general debauchery. The title of this post refers to a text message/booty call a certain friend received last year - we're pretty sure he meant to say "stampede" but his thumbs were obviously impaired by copious amounts of alcohol. This time of year is known for random hookups ... some might form into everlasting love, others stretch out for a few months, eventually losing their lustre as the days get shorter and the weather cools down (or the guy turns out to have a recreational cocaine problem, but that's another story). But most really only last one night.

And so we arrive at the very important question we have been pondering of late - what is the true definition of a one night stand? It seems like it would be a simple answer, but really it's not. Is it a one night stand because it lasted only one night? But what if you stay "friends?" Is it a one night stand if you don't remember their name and never see them again? But what if you have known them for a long time, will inevitably see them again, but it still only lasts one night, because of a variety of exigent circumstances? Or is a one night stand really defined by intent? As in, you intend to see them again, but he is a douche, and so you don't, so that means it's not a one night stand. But if you go into it intending it to only happen once and it only happens once, is that a one-night stand. Regardless of whether or not you know their name? This is what we have landed on. Just like possession is nine-tenths of the law, intention is nine-tenths of a one night stand. The other tenth of course is alcohol. Or maybe it's the other way around?

That said, this time of year is dangerous. All bets are off during Stampede ... men in cowboy hats inevitably look hot and good intentions are as good as gone. Happy Spansede everyone!

team vienna

I didn't do a recap of last week's episode, so to quickly get it over with, Rated R you are an idiot. Don't you know that everyone in our country knows each other, and this of course extends to the small community of Canadians who have been involved with the Bachelor/Bachelorette series, so it's not all surprising that "Jessica" would reach out to "Jessie" and they would figure out how to get Chris Harrison's Icelandic cell phone number ... we women are just that resourceful. The only surprise really is that they somehow didn't manage to include that other Canuck Jillian in on the phone call, but I guess she was too busy moving out of Ed's house and back to Kelowna

Ok, on to this week. Really, the 1.5 hour show was just a pre-amble to the big event of the night - the Jake and Vienna split. More on that after the following concise points:

• Pedro (aka Roberto): Dancing in the street, really? And then pulling out the line "are we the only people dancing in the street ... I don't care." Again, really? Ali says he might be too good to be true, but I just say he is too much. Plus he has weird eyebrows.

• Frank: Dude lives with his parents. And probably manages an Old Navy. And he sweats a lot. And whines. And he wears a thumb ring (although this is not as bad as Ty's necklace ... bad man-jewelry is apparently an epidemic on this show). Yet she still wants to make out with him a tree. I just don't get it.

• Ty: According to a direct quote from last week "women can be the heads of major corporations." Thanks tips. Did you also know that women have had the right to vote since 1918?

• Kirk: Even though Ali was "off" the whole day, Kirk was still happy. My favourite quote: "look, horses" as their horse-drawn carriage arrived. And then later that night, when she pulled herself together he managed to be both a cornball and sincere all at the same time. He had a great answer to her ridiculous "how do I know I'll be good enough for you in 5 years?" (we get it, you're insecure. enough already). Unlike Pedro, he just sounds like he means it. I don't think he will make it past next week and this saddens me. He's just so great.

• Chris: As much as I like Kirk, I think I need to give it up to the landscaper. I love how ackward he is when talking about his feelings and then how nervous he was as he pulled the bracelet out of his pocket with the words "I wanted to make sure I liked you enough to give it to you." Cause really, it is so ridiculous when the men show up already in love (ahem Casey and Frank) ... this seemed much more genuine.

Ok, finally on to Jake and Vienna. I will start this off by saying that they are both complete idiots and famewhores. But, I can't believe I'm saying this, she came off smelling like roses where he just ended up behaving like a controlling douche. Dude, just because you can say the words undermine, emasculate and disrespect, doesn't mean that you own the high ground. Can you spell those words? I think not. His publicist should be fired, because he looked like a smug asshole who doesn't know how to use measuring tape.

May the best men win ...

So I haven't really discussed the World Cup, not sure why really. But I have been watching. As has the rest of the world apparently. I was super stocked when Landon Donovan scored in extra time so the US moved on. I enjoyed watching the Ghana - Uruguay shoot out on high def TVs at the Sony Store at Market Mall on Friday afternoon. I watched Spain beat Paraguay Saturday afternoon at the Ship ... When Spain scored on the penalty shot (which was then called back) a grown man did a cartwheel in front of me. Awesome.

So while I do enjoy soccer - it is actually one of the only sports I stuck with my whole life - I also enjoy the fact that the World Cup is played by hot, fit men. And so, as there are 4 teams left, below are my top picks for hotness on the German, Spanish, Dutch and Uruguayan squads

1) Germany ... from left to right: Marcell Jansen, Pitor Trochowski and injured captain Michael Ballach

2) Spain ... from left to right: Cesc Fabregas, Xabi Alsonso, Iker Cassilas

3) Holland ... top row from left to right: Maarten Stekelenburg, Michel Vorm, Stijin Schaars, bottom row: Rafael van der Vaart

4) Uruguay ... Andres Scotti and Diego Lugano (I think, there are like 4 Diegos on the team - it gets confusing)

Of course, Sweden didn't make the final four ... well didn't make it to the World Cup period, otherwise you know they would be my top picks. So while there are four very well matched teams, I am cheering for Holland to go all the way. In addition to the hotness of Schaars and Van der Vaart in particular, I also really like the colour orange, generally think that Dutch people are very nice, and they are probably one of the best teams to have never one the World Cup (see, it's not just about the men, I do sort of know what I am talking about). So get out your vuvuzuelas and cheer on your favourite! May the best men win!

a beautiful day

So while last Wednesday was not a beautiful day, this past Wednesday(i.e. yesterday) was. The reasons for this were as follows:

• sun
• patio at the Ship
• early ditching of work
• beer
• very tasty chicken sandwich
• a full afternoon with JM and KM, which hasn't happened in a while
• team dating (more on this to follow)
• more sun
• more beer
• good people watching (including a guy with a maori tattoo across his face - random)
• nachos
• the fact that it was the day before an extra long weekend, so while it was only Wednesday, it felt like Friday!