the return

Friends!  I'm back.  Not because I have anything exciting to say really, but mainly because I needed a list.  In an itunes update gone awry, I accidentally deleted all of my playlists from my ipod.  This makes me so sad because a lot of them were based on actual mixed CDs I made for my friends or events, and as such, they captured a time, a place and a feeling (i.e. they were named "May 2006" or "Driving to Canmore" or "For Dad").  All gone.  Now I rely on my "recently purchased" playlists or lazy genius playlists, which always seem to include the same 4-5 songs.  But good new - I have this blog!  I knew it would come in handy eventually.  So now I can go back and pull together the most important one, the one that always goes on in the background when good times are happening - Guilty Pleasures and Old Faves.  Am pretty excited to have it rise again.  With any luck, the blogging will rise right along with it ...

call me maybe

It's a good song in theory.  Catchy and simple.  Its evilness lies of course in the fact that it is grammatically incorrect, was played non-stop all summer and that it encourages you to do stupid things like actually give someone your number in the hope that they will call you maybe.

I bring this up now because a few weeks ago I went out with RB, MZ and KF.  I would like to say that it all started off innocently, but RB and I hadn't had a night out together in awhile and I had spent 2 weeks in Prince George (don't ask) so we were both looking to go out on a rippy tear (my mother's words).  But it quickly went off the deep end when I had 2 strong margaritas from Ox and Angela before food arrived.

We ran into some friends of mine, one of whom is a man about town and so I blame him for everything that happened that night.  And by everything, I really mean only one thing.  That one thing being that we ended up at a bar, where a DJ I sort of know and kind of have a crush on, was playing and for some reason (those reasons of course being tequila, RB and man about town referenced above) I decided to write my name, my number and the words "I'm all shook up" on a napkin and give it to said DJ.  I promptly ran out of the bar as quickly as possible.

Needless to say I have not heard from him and I will never return to that bar.

winter is coming ...

Actually, as I live in Calgary, winter has been here for awhile.  Seriously, the snow has been on the ground for a solid month.   Seeing as we never had an actual fall season, I won't dwell on that but let's discuss what I miss most about summer.  It will also give you an idea of what I've been doing since my last post, which I recognize was basically 4 months ago.  It's a short list - one thing for every month that I've been gone.  Here you go:

1. Topsiders:  I know this is a random one, but I love that they made a comeback this year.  I love preppy boys, so the summer uniform of long shorts, cardigans and topsiders made me very happy.  I do love a good peacoat and scarf combo too, so now that it's winter I can't complain too much, but I will miss the boat shoes that were all over town this summer.

2. Orcas: I went to a wedding this summer on beautiful Galiano island.  On Friday afternoon we went for a sail and came across a few pods of orcas.  While it was not quite this close, if you want to see how many there were and how awesome they are, check out this video from Outside Mag - it was in the same area and the same time. Oh and the wedding was fun too.  CG married her man Bill on a beautiful day overlooking the ocean.  We drank, we danced, we made wished on Thai lanterns and there was a risque photo shoot that is still being talked about.

3. Patios: It really goes without saying, but I had quite a few great afternoons on the various patios around town this summer.  A special shoutout to National, the Ship and Local 510.  Great places to drink beer and watch the world go by.

4. Bronze medals: I spent a lot of time watching the London Olympics.  Not a surprise really if you look back at some of my posts from February 2010 (here, here and here).  Canadians didn't do quite as well as expected and there were a lot of jokes about how many bronzes we won.  The bronze we lost in the men's 4X100 was particularly heartbreaking.  Listening to my father explain the rules of tae-kwon-do was particularly hilarious.  Watching the Brits cheer on that Mo guy to the 5,000 and 10,000 was awesome.  But most of all, watching the Canadian women lose so unfairly to the Americans in the soccer semi-finals and then squeak out a victory in the bronze medal game was amazing.  I played soccer all summer on an absolutely horrible team - we barely ever scored, but when we did, this is the face I was making.

a list for the 100th Stampede

Sheriff Buddha

Ok, so Stampede is almost officially over.  I say almost, because it's currently 5:32 am MST on Sunday July 15th and technically Stampede doesn't end until after the fireworks tonight at 11 PM MST.  Why am I awake at 5:32 on this summer sunday morning you ask?  It's not because I'm an early riser - it's because I have not yet slept after a night out.  That's right, the sun is coming up, it's not Vegas and I'm still awake.  I made the mistake of having 2 "shafts" which is some kind of concoction at the Living Room that involves espresso.  Did I mention that it was my birthday last night?  I'm now 36 - the crisis that this event is bringing about will have to be explored in another post.  Instead, I will just make a list of all the things that happened during this, the 100th anniversary of the Calgary Stampede:

• We crashed one party.
• I ripped 2 pairs of jeans.
• I went out 7 of 11 nights.
• AZ found out that "Scott" is not actually divorced (he is separated, but she lives here, not in another country as he previously stated).  Oh and he has a child that he passed off as his nephew.  It's a long involved story, but needless to say that relationship is over.  And now the Chanel bag has new meaning - trust your gut.  When you think someone might have a wife, they just might.
• We got kicked out of our infield rodeo seats - we were squatters, but still, it was embarassing.
• I didn't eat any beef on a bun (this is a rare feat, let me tell you).
• I spotted 2 CBC personalities (Strombo and Brett Wilson).
• I relived my high school days watching the Tragically Hip at a massive outdoor concert.
• Apparently this scene from last year happened again - I wasn't there so didn't witness it, but SS won stampede again this year as there may have been another YHG hookup. 
• While "Cory" didn't puke on the street, he did turn on his sprinkler when he got home from the bar and had a quick 45 minute nap on the front porch while he drowned his lawn.
• We went to Nashville North and partied with people who could legitimately have been our children.
• I didn't wear plaid once (another rare feat).
• On one of the nights that I didn't go out my soccer team actually scored a goal.  We still lost the game.  Badly.
• We have been forever spoiled by the fact that courtesy cars exist for Stampede sponsors and that they are often driven by age appropriate successful men who ask you if the air conditioning is comfortable.  I may never take public transit again.
• I had really good cab karma.
• HC and her boyfriend J broke up.  This had nothing to do with Stampede and more to do with the fact that she's moving to Toronto. Like next week.  My go-to plus one and emergency contact is leaving.  It's kind of a big deal.  But far too emotionally impactful to get into at 5:30 am on a serious lack of sleep.
• Wearing a sheriff's badge is a great conversation starter.  Too bad it's only really acceptable to do during Stampede.  So 'til next year my official badge will just stay with Buddha here on my bookshelf, as pictured above.

So that's it - I think that's all the happened.  At least that's all that I remember.  Another year done.  My liver worked hard and I survived.  Thanks Stampede.

on Paris and the surburbs

In my last post I mentioned AZ's new Chanel purse.  She bought it a few weeks ago at the original Chanel boutique - 31 Rue Cambon in Paris.  Beyond the beauty of the purse (which can be found here)  the story of how she ended up in Paris in the first place is a good one.  About 2 months ago, we had gone to Double Zero (sausauge and lentil pizza + 5$ happy hour wine = friday after work happiness) and then on to Craft  (Stiegl radler ... yum).  Whilst at Craft, we were approached by a guy, who, in a totally non-stalker way, indicated that he sees AZ everyday getting coffee and commented on how much he likes her shoes.  It was such an unthreatening pick up line that we assumed he was gay.  Turns out, not so much.  AZ had given him her number thinking he would be a new friend, who was a boy, while what he wanted was to be was her new boyfriend.  So they go out a few times, they hit it off, and as is the normal custom for a 4th date, they went to Paris.  Yep - Paris.  Oh and to Champagne for a few nights too.  Because, really.  Why not?

Anyhow, besides giving off an ever so slight non-hetero vibe, this new guy (let's call him "Scott") seems to be a great match for AZ.  They start spending a lot of time together - laughing, drinking, cooking dinner, talking fashion, and of course, all the other stuff.  But AZ sees a potential flaw.  He spends all of his time at her place and is evasive when she questions him on his.  And he's away on the weekends a lot.  The obvious conclusion of course is that he has a wife.  If you are confused, dear reader, I am too.  Because I don't see the jump that AZ made there, but to her it was logical at the time.  Did I mention that at the time we were on bottle number 5 of wine at a lovely bbq hosted by the always gracious SS?  "Scott" decided to spend an extra night out of town with his father and brother (on father's day I might add) and AZ decided this was shady.  She indicated in a text that they needed to have "the talk."

So how did this drama end you ask?  Well, turns out he doesn't have a wife (or a current wife at least - he is divorced.  And she lives in a different country).  The simple answer is that he lives in the suburbs. I don't know that I've mentioned my dating zone rule - it really is worth it's own post - but I have one and he falls well outside.  AZ lives 10 minutes from downtown, while his place is a solid 25.  Maybe even 30.  And so, mystery solved.

Are there any lessons to be taken from this?  I would think two.  1) Always say yes to Paris.  And 2) It's more convenient to have sleepovers in the inner city.

don't let the mushrooms fool you

Mushroom farmers do it better 

I really didn't want to like the Bachelorette this season.  I found Emily quite dull when she was "with" Brad, and during her first episode I was very distracted by her teeth.  I think we can all agree that her enamels are way too big for her mouth.  But I persevered (because really, what I else do I have to do these days) and so here are a few observations from this Monday's episode.  The observations were sent to JM over BBM and I've included her responses, where relevant:

1. She looks way better in short dresses than long.  Her formal wear is more often tacky than not.
2. Why does Ryan wear scarves all the time (JM response "because he's a douche).
3. Still love Arie.  So cute when he was all embarassed at the Shakespeare thing.
4. Sean is really cute.
5. Daddy Doug's arms are too big.
6. It's too bad that they don't show more of Alejandro - because I think he's cute.  And I get the impression that he's smart.*
7. Glad Kalon's gone. (JM response "he was a sad excuse for a man")
8. Enjoyed her trash talk - going West Virginia red neck on him. 
9. It's a bit concerning that Ricki thinks dragons live at Buckingham Palace. (JM response "she seems kind of 'special' to me).  
10. JM observation back to me "I like that Jef manned up this week, but I question  if he has the confidence to be with a woman who looks like her."
11. My observation back to her "Also, should we be concerned that he knows what Chloe bag is? (JM response "Excellent Point").  Then we had a side conversation about the value of designer bags because I told her that AZ bought a beautiful Chanel purse on her recent trip to Paris.  That whole trip is worth it's own post, so stay tuned).
12. The preview of Arie kissing her up against a wall it hot.  (JM response "Makes me realize it's been a million years since I got any action.") This of course generated another side conversation about all the duds we've met recently and a debate about whether the fact that Stampede is less than a month away is a good thing or a bad thing when it comes to remedying this situation.  The verdict was that it probably wouldn't result in an uptick on the quality of men on the scene.
13. Just saw an ad for Magic Mike.  We are going to see this movie, correct?  (JM response "affirmative").

* Turns out I was right - he is smart.  Dude has a TED Talk! According to Grantland he's not your average mushroom farmer.  He was named one of the Top 25 Entrepreneurs Under 25, graduated summa cum laude from Berkeley, is a cancer survivor and the mushroom farm is a sustainable, community-focused one that grows mushrooms out of coffee grounds.  I can't believe Emily kept a guy who gave himself the nickname Wolf, but sent Alejandro packing.  And back to observation #12 - shall we take bets on the possibility of meeting a guy like Alejandro during Stampede?  

my problem with twitter

I enjoy twitter.  I really really do.  I enjoy the time I waste reading all the articles that are teased by snappy 140 character-long introductions.  I love that it gives me something to do while I wait in a restaurant for my friends who are always late.  In the evenings, it gives me yet another thing to do besides clean my house. I laugh at all the funny hashtags that bring people together (remember #tellviceverything? - awesome) and subsequently mock people who don't understand what a hashtag is.  But what I've come to realize is that twitter is also a way for all the cool kids to tell you what they are doing and make you feel left out for not doing it too.  It's worse than just not knowing what's going on - with twitter, if you follow a certain type of person and watch what they are doing, you can be part of the zeitgeist (i.e. cool because you know what's happening) but be left out of it at the same time (i.e. loser because you're not there).  If I'm sitting at home I can basically see what all the hip and connected people in Calgary are doing and then feel bad for missing out on it.  It's FOMO (fear of missing out) at it's worst because it's self-inflicted.  I guess I could just get off my ass and become more involved but sitting at home complaining about it is more my style.

PS - When I went to find a link to define FOMO, I found this NY Times article: How Social Media Can Induce Feelings of "Missing Out"  It does a much better job of articulating every thought I posted above, so I apologize for making you read my rant, when I could have posted the article and been done with it.

PPS - For a long time I thought that FOMO was something my friends and I coined, as we've been using it for many years.  Turns out, not so much.  I actually can't believe that I haven't posted about it before.  It's long been a symptom in my life and plays a big role in helping me decide to do the things I do, generally to very happy results.  For the most part I've always thought of it as a positive, but when it comes to twitter, I've decided it is causing me much angst.

counting the things I've done pt. 2

Once again I have totally blanked on my blogging duties.  I do have a few reasonable excuses – I spent much of February traveling.  And then quite a bit of March sitting on my ass doing nothing.  But what else is new?  So here it goes – another list counting of things I’ve been doing whilst not updating my blog:

1. A trip to NYC - really, you ask? That seems like kind of a big deal, why haven’t you mentioned it until now?  See excuse number two above.  Went with the guy mentioned in my 1997-1998 journal – the boy in question who I planned to break up with even though we weren’t actually dating.  We’re still not dating, so why would we go to NY together you wonder?  Not sure really, except that for some reason we are still friends and seem to see each other every 4 years, in kind of awesome locales – Chicago, Banff, Paris, St. Moritz and NYC.  Was a super fun trip – not much to report really.  Hit up some good restaurants, wandered the streets of Soho, walked across the Brooklyn Bridge (pictured here in blurry instagram glory), went to the Met, watched the skaters of Central Park, etc. It's still not clear to me how we've managed to stay friends these past 15 years, whilst living in 10 different cities on 2 different continents, but we have, and it's pretty cool.
2. A few days of skiing – not enough really, but still good.  Two of the days were with the bride who prompted the ultimate wedding dos & don’ts list (and yes, I'm going to hell for continuing to bash it almost 2 years later).  At any rate, there have been a few snowstorms in the past month and so I’ve had a couple of powder days which were fab.  Hope to get a few more days in before the end of the season.
3. Work trips – to really exciting places like Wallaceburg, ON, Fort Nelson, BC and Wetaskiwin, AB.  On the first one I had some angry farmers question my integrity.  On the second one I went for drinks at a Boston Pizza where we were the only women in the bar.  On the third one, one of the SWAG items was a little case holding mints and toothpicks.  Those really are the highlights.
4. A drag show – self-explanatory.
5. Watching Friday Night Lights – I’m a late convert to the show, which means I’m watching all 5 seasons on itunes and on my PVR.  AH has been talking about it for years, but I never managed to watch it live, which is probably a good thing.  Watching all episodes back to back to back is awesome.  I’m slightly obsessed really.  I almost feel like I live in Dillon, TX.  And it makes me sad that I could never date Tim Riggins.  It also makes me sad that Taylor Kitsch’s  John Carter movie was so horrible.  He still looks good though.  And because he looks so good, I will forgive him for choosing another stupid movie to star in (Battleship) and go see it, if only because both Landry and Eric happen to be in it.
6. Wine – a few weeks ago we had an impromptu gathering for post-work bevies that went completely off the rails.  I met a Dutch guy who had just moved to 4 weeks previous and I’m pretty sure I impressed him with my ability to answer his skill testing question – how many Hollands fit into Alberta.  My answer was 20.  Everyone else guessed 4-6.  The real answer is 16.  So I won.  If I hadn’t had 5+ glasses of wine by that point, I’m pretty sure that I would have answered exactly 16.  SS met a guy who seems like a good guy, but he was uber-drunk and so when exchanging numbers, he gave her the wrong one.  Luckily they have a few friends in common.  One of the being Rat Guy (see – this blog always comes full circle)and so Drunk Jeff (also known as New Jeff and Good Jeff) emailed him to get SS’s contact info.  Rat Guy then had to swallow his pride and send her an email inquiring if it was ok for him to pass along her number.  They’ve had one date – the jury is still out, but it could be promising.
7. Research – AZ is going to NYC this week for work but whilst there is going to a “housewarming/birthday/magazine cover celebration” party.  It is being hosted by the mother a famous gentleman, who happens to be both single and a billionaire.  Sadly said gentleman won’t be there, but I still looked into his history and it’s a shame that he’s unavailable because AZ is already blonde and so could potentially have become the next Mrs. Musk.  Plus he’s building a spaceship to Mars (because that's a totally normal thing to do) and if she did some interplanetary travel, that would make a really great blog entry.  One that wouldn't take me two months to update.

a list for a sunday

I have been known to post a variety of lists - lists of things I've done, things not to do, things to be thankful for, books to read, music to listen to, and top moments from various events.  This time I'm gonna post somebody else's list.  It comes from the Lists of Note blog. It's taken from a letter that F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote to his 11 year old daughter in 1933.  Here's an excerpts - I gotta say, I think it's a pretty good list of things to consider when going through life.


Things to worry about:
Worry about courage
Worry about cleanliness
Worry about efficiency
Worry about horsemanship

Things not to worry about: 
Don’t worry about popular opinion
Don’t worry about dolls
Don’t worry about the past
Don’t worry about the future
Don’t worry about growing up
Don’t worry about anybody getting ahead of you
Don’t worry about triumph
Don’t worry about failure unless it comes through your own fault
Don’t worry about mosquitoes
Don’t worry about flies
Don’t worry about insects in general
Don’t worry about parents
Don’t worry about boys
Don’t worry about disappointments
Don’t worry about pleasures
Don’t worry about satisfactions


I'm not sure why it struck me at this particular moment in time ... but it's a beautiful sunny Sunday morning in February, I'm packing to go away for a week of work and friend time, and I'm feeling somewhat reflective.  I don't know that I'll ever worry about horsemanship or not worry about boys, but I feel like this is a good list to remind me what's important in life.  

I'm a model, so ...

Everyone's pretty excited because the "ladies" are back.  And by "everyone" I mean the 6 of us who gather every week to watch The Bachelor.  So to start, there was obviously much debate about Ben's hair and whether or not we liked it.  Consensus was that we did not.  But we did not hate it as much as Christie hates sweetheart necklines ... direct quote on that one was "what's that neckline called?  I HATE it."  Note to self, never ask Christie to be a bridesmaid if the dresses have a sweetheart neckline.  I think we all got over his ridiculous hair with the non-stop shots of his winery.  If there's one thing we can all agree on, it's our love of wine.  So Ben wins us over with his occupation.  But his insistence on wearing a fluorescent pink tank and talking about seeing his father through hummingbirds brings him down more than a few notches.

As for the "ladies" we once again became focused on hair, wondering if we like the ombre look (we do) and whether or not yellow dress girl's hair should be longer (it should).  Then we moved on to the dresses.  Which, with very little exception, were horrible.  The green sateen and red plungey/strappy thingy were particularly awful - ABC obviously brought in some casting agents from Rock of Love this season.  We agreed that crazy blogger had one of the best outfits and the short sparkly one worn by someone else (an administrative assistant maybe?) was also good.  We figured that the (potentially) lesbian brunette wore such a demure dress to compensate for her "career" as a VIP cocktail waitress.  The model also looked good.  Her sense of superiority really complimented her black dress - the title of this post was her response when Ben asked her what she did for a living.

So that's about all we really had to say.  As you'll notice, we don't know any of their names yet.  That comes later as they go on dates, and swap traumatic stories about the journey they've been on to make it to this place when they feel they are finally ready to find love again.  If you don't understand that sentence, you obviously haven't been watching this show for long enough.

My final two predictions are horse lady and sparkly dress girl.

age is just a number pt. 2

So I don't often write embarrassing dating stories about myself, mainly because it's been awhile since I went on an actual date, but more likely it's because my friends are usually available to offer up much more scandalous stories.  And everyone knows that it's way more fun to write about others than it is to write about one's self.  But I actually have to call myself out for bad behaviour.  A few weeks ago my neighbours had a little party.  I stopped by for a drink.  One drink turned into several.  Normally this wouldn't be a bad thing, but have I mentioned that my neighbours are young?  And as such they have young friends?  Remember when I gave AZ a hard time for shamelessly flirting with a certain young man named Tag? Well I need to let that go.  Because this guy was not born in 1984.  He was still born in the 80s, but that's as much information as I'm willing to give.  Plus he wore a toque inside.  Yep, my youngin' is a hipster.  Within the definition of hipster in the urban dictionary, the above picture is one of the images that comes up.  I'd like you to picture this when you think of this story.  Only because dude looked nothing like this, but the image still makes me very happy.

At any rate it was all very PG and harmless. Except of course if you count the harm inflicted on me by my friends and their jokes about my taste in men of a certain age.  That said, they should be appreciative as I've now broken new ground.  So much so that Christie now insists as a result of my actions her boy crush, Sidney Crosby, is back in play.

a toonie

A toonie is what one of my colleagues gave me yesterday as a contribution to a gift for another one of our colleagues who is having a baby.  A toonie.  That's 2 dollars.  One coin.  That doesn't even cover the gas it cost me to drive to the mall to get the damn gift.  I mean, really, it's insulting, no?  I went on this rant with my mother yesterday and she pointed out that I don't know everyone's situation, and so shouldn't judge.  The thing is, that I know how much this woman makes, and so I judge.  Her situation is obviously that she was raised by wolves or something.  I understand you might not want to contribute - so don't.  Don't sign the card, and don't waste my time with a toonie!  And then, to top it off, I had to miss the damn meal where we gave her the gift today because I got stuck in a meeting.   But all was not lost, because I did accomplish quite a few things on this fine Friday:

• Booked my ticket to New York, and on points to boot!  I leave in 6 weeks.  More details on this trip to come in a future post.
• Had lunch with Christie, who just came back from NYC and so had some great tips.  Including where to get the best pancakes.  Now if only I could remember what that place was called.
• Bought a new pair of glasses.  My old ones are very old and not at all cool.  So I got a new pair.  As pictured here. The pink on the inside is pretty awesome.  As a bonus, the store was having a promotion/sale/charity thing where if you bring in 10 items for the Food Bank, you get 100 bucks off the frames!  Such a great idea.  

They are called Holland Park.  They are rad.

• When I got home I went for a great run along the river.  It was a full moon and a chinook.  Pretty great. 
• After the run, I rewarded myself with a burger and fries from Boogie's Burgers.  I wish I had taken a picture of the burger.  It was damn good.  And the fries were also awesome.  I recognize that eating like a glutton after going for a run is somewhat counter-productive, but it's a Friday night and eating a salad just felt unfair.  Plus I have absolutely no veggies in my house right now.

word of the day

Did you learn anything today?  Because I did.  A new word: extirpated.

What does it mean, you ask, impatiently I'm sure.  Well it means a species no longer existing in the wild in Alberta (or whichever jurisdiction you are currently in), but occurring elsewhere in the wild.  Fascinating stuff.  I also read about the 30+ different names for liverwort.

What's liverwort you ask, on the edge of your seat. It's a plant - check out this link for a bunch of pictures of green things.

And why am I learning these things at my job, you ask, this time in an exacerbated manner.  The answer: no fucking clue.

Incidentally, I got 51% in grade 11 biology, so the fact that this type of reading is part of my job now, is beyond hilarious.

counting the things I've done

So look at that - I vowed to blog twice a week and now a month has gone by without an update. Shocker. I blame my dirty condo. Not because I've spent all my writing time actually cleaning mind you, but because I think to myself that if I have enough time to write a post, I could spend that time cleaning. So in order to avoid the dreaded vacuum cleaner and organizing the guest room, aka "the place where things go to die" I also avoid hitting up the old blogger website. Instead I do important things like bake banana chocolate chip muffins and watch Gossip Girl. So even though it's November, I think it's about time I went over all the fun things I did this summer. I feel it's appropriate because now that we've "fallen back" and there is snow on the ground, I'm pretty confident that summer is officially over and I can make a full and complete tally of all the things I did. Here it is, in no particular order and with no particular explanation as to why these were important things:

• Wakeboarding - and not only did I learn how to wakeboard, I got up my second try. My history as waterskiier might have helped, but I was pretty impressed with myself. I also had good instructors (thank you AH and TS). But I will say that the next day my forearms were so sore I could barely squeeze the shampoo out of the bottle.
• Biking - I biked to work almost every single day. You would too if you had the awesome red cruiser pictured above (yes that is my actual bike).
• Zumbaing - I Learned to zumba. Okay, "learn" might be a bit of a stretch. But I went to a zumba class, danced my ass off and had one of the best laughs I've ever had.
• Getting old - I turned 35. The less said about that the better.
• I only went to one wedding! This really is exciting. And it was a fun one too. Extra points for the fact that butter chicken was the main course.
• I went home to Ottawa for 10 days. SS and HC came with me. We played croquet. Bet you didn't know that official croquet has over 30 rules. Needless to say we didn't follow any of them.
• Vegas! Now, normally this type of trip would garner it's very own blog post, but it really did happen a long time ago (September long weekend) and I have no photographic evidence as I lost my camera (while totally sober I might add), so it's almost like it didn't happen. Luckily I have my credit card statement to remind me about the trip. One thing I do remember is that I stayed up past 5 am two nights in a row, which really is shocking when you consider my age (as noted above). It was an impromptu trip, celebrating, among other things, the fact that Christie quit her job and AH's son turned one. While he was at home celebrating with grandma, AH was wearing a tie on her head chatting up a former Saskatchewan Roughrider named Big Earl.
• Running - Like an idiot, I went ahead and signed up for this stupid run again. And this year they changed the route to make it even more hilly and more difficult. But I finished. And once again it was a beautiful day, with great friends, and post-run burgers and beer. No hat stealing this year though. Although it should be noted that this past Sunday, HC, SS and the acquaintance who threw that post-bar party last year all ran the NYC marathon. I cheered HC and SS on from my couch and then went and ran 4.2 kms in honour of the fact that they were running 42 kms. Pretty much the same thing, right?
• Superhero - I rescued an 8 month old from a locked car. With my own two hands. Oh, and my phone. It was quite funny - I went to Gabe for Thanksgiving (you know, with the usual suspects, KM & Lily) to visit BB and TT. On Saturday afternoon, TT and I were out touring the galleries on the island, and TT accidentally locked her adorable infant in the minivan. Yep, they have a minivan - don't worry, we mocked them endlessly. Luckily I had the foresight not to leave my phone in the car, we called BB and he arrived from the other side of the island with the other set of keys to let the poor child out. I could not stop laughing. TT was somewhat frantic. Needless to say, we teased the poor woman for the rest of the weekend. Mother of the year that one.
• Ryan Gosling - well I didn't actually "do" the Gos, but I did see 2 of the 3 movies he was in this summer. You know I have a love for Dirty Dancing, so was a total sucker for the scene in "Crazy Stupid Love" where he shows off his "move." And ever since seeing Drive I have been somewhat obsessed with '80s synthesizer euro-pop. My two current faves are "A Real Hero" which is on the soundtrack and M83's "Midnight City" which I'm super bummed is now in a Victoria's Secret ad. Boo. As I basically wrote this whole post to this type of music, let's end on the video shall we? Because while I'm sure I did other stuff this summer worth noting, I think this list about covers all you need to know.

it's the little things pt. 4

On Thursday I came home from work to a belated bday card from KM (for a full description of my actual birthday click here). This card was a welcome laugh on an otherwise boring day. And while the card might have made me smile, the little present inside made me positively giddy. It was a magnet with the words "shithead" on it. For those who know me well (i.e. KM), they know that shithead is my favourite insult. Mainly because I like the visual – someone with a normal body, but instead of a head on top, there is a big ball of shit. It’s juvenile, I know, but it makes me laugh. And so the fact that KM saw this fridge magnet and thought of me, well it just means so much. It really is the little things.

The magnet in question is pictured here. This is my actual fridge. To the right and slightly above said magnet is a Globe and Mail clipping - my one and only letter to the editor that made it into the actual paper. Unsurprisingly it was a letter commenting on the ridiculousness of a Harper policy. On top of that - two fortune cookies fortunes (you may recall this post). Then to the left is a picture of my old roomates from university (including KM, she of the awesome magnet) taken in an apple tree in the Annapolis Valley. It was taken at the beginning of May 1999 - so the blossoms were in full bloom, just in time for the world famous Apple Blossom Festival. Below the magnet is an autograph from Orland0 Bloom, written on the back of a coaster from the Four Seasons in the Bahamas. My parents were there for a conference and Orly was staying there whilst filming Pirates of the Caribbean (part II I think). My dad worked out with him for an hour having no idea who he was. My mom spotted him later and got the signature. I'm not a huge fan of his or anything, it's just kind of a nice memento and a good story.

And finally, below and to the left is my newly purchased membership in the Progressive Conservative Party of Alberta. Shocking I know, given my leftie leanings. I was actually a member once before, back in 2006, when I was part of the stop Ted Morton movement. People like me are known as "temporary tories." There's been some backlash, but this is the way the system works. And seeing as the PCs have been ruling this province for 40 years, if you want to have an actual say in who is running the government, taking part in the leadership election is the best way to do it. So I voted. And guess what? My vote made a difference and my choice won. It really was the best 5 bucks I spent this month! There have been a lot of surprising political victories this year - Nenshi, Layton, and now Redford. People talk about how uninteresting politics is and how apathetic the electorate has become. But then stuff like this happens and it gives us hope. Now I'm not about to get all "yes we can" on you - let's face it, the conservatives are still in power and I had no other plans on this particular saturday night - but the fact that I stayed up way past my bedtime last night to follow the #pclrd hashtag happenings on twitter and woke up actually interested in the results should mean something to someone. So now there will be a general election sometime in the next year and we'll see how Redford fares with those people unwilling to pay 5 dollars to have their say. And you can bet everyone of those 5 dollars that I will be calling more than one of the politicians running in that election a shithead. Good thing I have the magnet.

it's always the quiet ones

I've mentioned the struggles I sometimes have with my job. Well one day last week was one of them. Last Monday I unwittingly took part in a social experiment … at about 1PM I realized that beyond exchanging pleasantries with coworkers in the kitchen and bathroom (as in “hi, how are you, good, how are you, not bad, have a good day”) I did not have a substantive conversation with anyone in my office. There are 400 people that work in my organization. About 90 or so are on my floor, 60 of whom are in my business unit and 12 people who have offices along my hallway and not one of them went out of their way to engage me in conversation. I guess the question could be, well, why didn’t you make more of an effort? And I did – I said hi to the guy parking his bike beside mine this morning. I asked a colleague if she wanted to grab a coffee. She had a meeting so couldn’t. And then I ran into someone from another floor in the elevator and she said we should go for coffee later. I said sure, but she never did ask me for coffee.

So on this particular Monday, when I realized that I really hadn’t talked to anyone in depth, I wondered if I could make it through the rest of the day without doing so. No suspense really – it was easy. No one came by my office and no one said hello when I passed them in the halls. I even made sure to get up and move around more than usual. Seriously - I did laps around my floor. I hung out in the kitchen, pretending to read the paper, ready to discuss current events with people who came in to grab something from the fridge. Still nothing. They say silence is golden, but this was a bit ridiculous. It's not always this way of course, but I'm pretty sure I could become a mute and my co-workers might not notice. It's a good thing I have such interesting voices inside my head - otherwise I might never have a conversation with anyone ever again.

back to the lake, back to the books

So just like last year, I went home to the family cottage this summer and devoured a few books. Here is my reading list and my impressions of the books:

The Immortal Life of Henrietta Lacks by Rebecca Skloot - You know sometimes you just want to read non-fiction? Well this one fit the bill - fascinating story, well written, a subject matter that is not too heavy yet makes you think, interesting characters, and so on. Plus it validated my choice never to become a doctor. Well choice might be a bit overblown ... I got 51% in grade 11 biology which pretty much prevented me from ever going into any type of scientific field. The story is about the HeLa cells - the first human cells to grow outside of humans. These cells were then used in various medical trials that ultimately led to the polio vaccine, treatment for cancer and parkinsons, etc etc. The real story though is about her family, with the ultimate question of the book being an ethical one - is it immoral to use human cells without permission, even if they have led to scientific breakthroughs. It also got me thinking about the commodification of our body. Really interesting stuff. But it wasn’t until page 130 or so that the author explained why it was that Henrietta’s cells grew were able to be successfully cultured in the lab while so many others had died. The answer? There is none. Really. This brings me back to my earlier statement about grade 11 biology - the problem I had with biology in high school still exists today - you just have to accept certain facts. There is no explanation for them, it just happens. I’m always searching the root cause of things, the series of steps that enables certain events - in biology events just happen. They are the root cause and that’s it. Case closed.

The Beauty of Humanity Movement by Camilla Gibb - I really enjoyed this book. Love Camilla Gibb. This was an easier read than Sweetness in the Belly, not quite as heart-wrenching, but equally lyrical. Set in Vietnam, with the war, politics, art and food woven throughout. One of the main characters sells Pho on the street and the vivid description of how he makes his soup had my mouth watering on almost every page. Needless to say that while reading all I wanted was Pho and so as soon as I landed back in Calgary I hit up the closest Vietnamese restaurant to devour a bowl.

When God was a Rabbit by Sarah Winman - The first part of this book is quite funny - like laugh out loud funny. The description of the main character’s struggle with God and then her school play were very amusing. The sad story of her best friend’s mom and her brother’s struggle with love were also very touching. Then the characters grew up, they became quite serious and far less interesting. I definitely lost interest in the second half. Too bad - such promise! But apparently Kate Middleton was reading it this summer too! Such kindred spirits we are ...

Moonlight Mile by Dennis Lehane - As previously mentioned I love a good mystery. Watched the Lincoln Lawyer on the plane and I highly recommend it. This one is a sequel of sorts to Gone Baby Gone, which I never read, but did see. It was a quick read, with good dialogue, but kind of a dodgy storyline, that I never really bought into. But whatevs, it kept my interest for the day.

Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close by Jonathan Safran Foer - I’m not sure why I had never read this book before. I really enjoyed his first book (Everything is Illuminated) and the History of Love, by his wife Nicola Kraus is one of my favourite books. I think I’ve picked it up a million times, skimmed through the pages and decided it was bit too precious, so never took the time to read it. Glad I finally gave it a go - was surprised at how engrossing it was. At times it feels a bit contrived and somewhat like he’s trying too hard, but all in all I enjoyed it. They’re making a movie of it right now - have no idea how that’s gonna work. It has really random characters, with fantastical backstories, and is not set out in a linear fashion at all.

on laziness and vampires

I have been remarkably bad at updating my blog this summer and so on this Saturday night as I lie here on my couch catching up on True Blood - which as a sidebar, I think we can all agree went super downhill this year - I don't know about you, but I don't care about witches. At all. Also, Eric in sport shorts and hoodies? Me no likey - give me back the black leather and tank tops. At least in tonight's episode he was back ... when he ripped that dude's heart out and then licked his finger? Well, come on. Just beautiful.

Ok, back to the task at hand. Now that September has arrived and the fun of summer is slowly coming to an end (more on that later), I vow to get back to the blogging on a more regular basis. Because I know my 7 readers have missed me, I will write something at least twice a week! Oh and I will also eat fewer carbs and exercise more regularly. I find I need to set more than one goal, because then if I only meet one, I don't feel so badly about totally failing at the others.

a very long Stampede recap

Good news! All that talk of nothing exciting happening, went swiftly out the window on the Friday of Stampede at the rodeo! There was much drama and intrigue, including a stand-off between one set of exes, a friendly meeting between another, and a Spansede hook-up with a familiar face. A few weeks have passed and the alcohol has finally worn off, so I feel I can write a proper summary of the events.

So it all started off innocently with lunch at Cilantro. Very classy. Cheese plate, salads and only 2 bottles of Australian Sauvignon Blanc. Then we went to the rodeo. Also started off classy – infield seats, more wine, was all good. Then we switched to beer. Then we went to the infield beer garden where we had more beer. So many plastic cups full in fact that AH and AZ needed help carrying the beer from the bar to the place we were standing a mere 10 metres away. So they recruited some helpers. Turns out, one of the helpers was Yankee Hat Guy! (yes, this city is really that small). He was almost unrecognizable in his sunglasses and cowboy hat – seriously he carried the beers over to us before we realized we kind of knew this guy and his friends. We probably would have figured it out eventually - his winning good looks and extremely white smile gave him away. Plus when SS arrived from another party, he immediately turned up the charm. Much witty conversation ensued. It did almost go completely awry when SS’ ex-husband (let’s call him DB, which may or may not stand for douchebag) showed up, along with the originator of “Spansede", HC’s ex. But both fought through it. When talking to a random 3rd person who asked HC and Mr. Spansede how they knew each other, he very politely replied “we dated for awhile.” 3rd person was impressed at their friendliness. While SS was talking to Mr. Spansede her ex was standing about 5 metres away with his back to her. As I don't have a picture of the event here is my attempt at drawing it - stick figures are about as artistic as I get.

After the back to back standoff, SS decided to be the bigger person, went over and said hello, have a good stampede and off we went. I think he was in shock. SS = 1. DB = 0.

Off we went to Cowboys, the “legendary” tent which has been missing for the past few years in Calgary. More tomfoolery ensued. Ran into RB who was rocking the cowboy fascinator, and who has no recollection of when she and Ryan did the Dirty Dancing lift in the smoking area. AZ’s Norwegian crush LT showed up in fully Stampede regalia, danced like a maniac for an hour, and pulled a houdini, cementing his status as a foreign enigma. Yankee Hat Guy was there, but missing in action, save for his very cryptic email to SS which said, and I quote, “wanna make out?” So then the dance played out and eventually they left … together. I won’t sully my friend’s name by publicly declaring whether or not she was a good hostess, but let’s just say that after day one of Stampede, the score was SS = 2. DB = 0. It should also be noted that while some of my friends tried to claim that they “drank themselves sober” one of them threw up before going to bed and another slept on the hardwood floor in the living room while her husband and cousin looked on and laughed. Oh and Cory threw up on the street.

On Sunday night I went to the Chucks. No horses were harmed, but whoever produced the evening show should probably be. The performers did their best, and I appreciate all the work the Young Canadians put into it, but the attempt to provide a narrative thread (in this case it was the “garden of imagination”) to a mishmash of performances was completely pointless. The Chucks were awesome as usual. In another life I would like to be an outrider.

Tuesday night was the CBA party, which surprisingly doesn’t have any crazy stories, but was still fun. We saw threesome guy, who uncharacteristically kept grabbing our asses. Made us wonder about a potential substance abuse problem. Good news is that we saw him again the next night and he was quite sheepish - I think he was just quite drunk. I saw this guy from back in the day – he was not as alluring as he had been a year and a half ago, but still a nice guy. I did facebook stalk him the next day and confirmed that he has a gfriend. Oh well, like I said, not as endearing as previously thought. DB was standing at the entrance talking to some friends and saw us. Within 3 seconds he had moved further into the party. I think we can now say that SS has the upper hand. SS = 3. DB = 0.

On Wednesday we hit up the Stampede Round-Up. This night was memorable for many reasons, not the least of which is that I finally got to see the band that sings the one country song I know all the words to – “Save a Horse (Ride a Cowboy).” I don’t know that I ever needed to see them live, and to be honest I was too busy drinking free beer and stalking Yankee Hat Guy (of course he was there!) to actually “watch” them, but I appreciate that they were playing in the background. Later on we got to see some equally cheesy pop music when we went the ultimate boy band concert – NKOTBSB! But back to the Fort Calgary party. Oftentimes we are scrambling to get tickets to this event, but this year they magically appeared courtesy of SS and AH. So yes, YHG was fairly easy to spot thanks to his winning good looks and very white smile. His smile is so perfect that we were considering changing his moniker to CC – which represents both the short form of Cheshire Cat and his actual initials – but it seems a bit too obvious. So we will stick with the much more creative YHG. There was much too-ing and fro-ing about how to approach him (even though SS had run into him at another party on Monday night …as I wasn’t there, it’s not included in this very official Stampede summary). Eventually contact was made, but things got a bit awkward when his ex-gf, who is now engaged to someone else, came up to say hello. It should be noted that as the world is so small, his ex used to be friends with SS and was actually invited to SS’s wedding to DB. She didn’t come and they aren’t friends anymore. There’s more drama to the story, but frankly this is getting a big long, so let’s just say, it was uncomfortable for everyone involved and YHG pulled the plug soon thereafter. As a result, SS didn’t leave with him, and came with us to the NKTOBSB concert as planned. We have a friend who is on a first name basis with the NKOTB and actually gave them the cowboy hats that they wore at the concert. She also got us great tickets that enabled us to get this close to the BSB resident bad boy AJ:

The concert was a hoot (I sound like my mom) and we danced and sang along with the boys in all of their cheesy glory. I'd also like to point out I've had "I want it that way" in my head for the past 2 weeks.

So now we find ourselves at Thursday, which also happened to be my bday. Now I’m not really a big birthday person, but for the second year in a row, my birthday happened to fall during stampede, which means everyone is out, so it’s natural to have a party. The problem in this case was that my birthday was at the tail end of stampede (so everyone is tired of going out) and I was super busy at work (I know … who knew?) so it was kind of a pain. But I soldiered through. I managed to sneak out of work to hit my company party, which unsurprisingly, was kind of lame. Then headed to my previous employer’s party, which was actually quite good – helped along by the fact that I’m good friends with many of my former co-workers and there was free booze. Then we wandered over to Cowboys (again), where other people bought me drinks, mostly shots, and I proceeded to get somewhat drunk and belligerent. But this was not entirely unexpected as in the weeks leading up to my big day, when discussing plans, I had sent out an email inviting people to come meet me, but with a qualifier indicating that “I will be drunk and belligerent as I come to terms with the fact that I am the oldest person I know.” That my friends, is a direct quote. And a prophetic one at that. A bunch of peeps were there – all at various stages of drunkenness. Luckily AH and SS had been triple fisting beer and wine at the rodeo and some of my former co-workers had done shots along with me, so while I was still the drunkest one there, at least I had some friends along for the ride. After eating a bucket of mini-donuts that substituted for a cake, I raised my hand, thanked everyone for coming, and declared my birthday to be over. So even though I was home by 11, my 8am meeting the next day was a rough one, and I made it through thanks only to the extra-large fountain pop I picked up at Subway. Needless to say I got a few looks from my colleagues as they sipped their coffee and silently judged me.

And so Stampede was finally over. YHG seems to have disappeared into the ether - if and when he surfaces, I'll be sure to let you know. Either way, I think we can all agree that SS won Stampede this year.

into the wild

You will no doubt have noticed that I've been remarkably silent as of late. Mainly because nothing too exciting has been going on. Well things have been going on, but no really funny stories have emerged as a result. To be honest, there aren’t even really any boring stories that I can embellish to make funny. So instead here are some pictures of the wilderness ...

1) Kootenay River - I went canoeing on the May long weekend. Was a lovely trip with great food, good weather, really nice people and plenty of cold beer! What you can't see in this picture is the massive wave to the far right of the river that nearly caused us to flip the canoe, which would have sucked as the water was maybe 5 degrees (incidentally perfect temp for keeping the aforementioned beer nice and cold). I have never come this close to going over on a trip like this and really I’m not sure how we stayed upright. All the canoes following us either went into rescue mode or got the hell away from the line we took. When we came to shore 2 minutes later, I have never enjoyed a nerve-calming beer* more.

2) Bryant Creek hut - Two weeks ago I went for an overnight jaunt into the mountains. Once again it was lovely - great people, great food, okay weather and not nearly enough wine. You would think that 5 bottles + bailey's between 6 people would be sufficient, but it was not. We did still manage to have a somewhat raging dance party though, so that's always fun. What you can’t see in this picture is the pain in my hip flexors. I was thinking this would be a nice relaxing walk through the woods, easing me into the backcountry camping, but then I realized that while there may not have been much elevation gain, we still walked 28 km roundtrip. Ouch.

After all that fun in the wilderness, it's time for some fun in the city. Luckily Stampede/Spansede starts tomorrow. Surely some good stories will come out of that one. Not only of the scandalous hookup type that are the norm this time of year, but perhaps there will be some good royal stories! Will and Kate are here ... Will I get to meet them? And if so, will she become my new best friend? In theory, the answer is of course yes, but in reality? We'll know by Friday afternoon!

*Anyone else notice that I managed to say the word beer 3 times in a 5 sentence paragraph that was ostensibly about canoeing? I wonder if there is some deeper meaning to that?